Viva Lost Angeles!

The Best Thing About L.A.

2012-01-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the best thing about L.A. is getting out of L.A. For all the thrills Hollywood has to offer, the nonstop action can be exhausting. Catching up on some r & r in wine country is perfect - you're just outside of San Francisco, so you can avoid the darts of intense hatred from the locals. What's more, is that the bucolic beauty of Sonoma rivals Provence, with gourmet restaurants, vineyards, goats and sheep grazing to replace lawn mowers and quaint villages. While France will always be cooler, people in the South of France tend to be annoyed by the city slickin' Parisians that come through. In that way, us Angelenos are lucky. No locals were abusive towards us, or acted like we had skulls stuffed with sawdust based on our home zip code.

Here are some Sonoma recommendations, based on personal experience:

Rent a convertible!

Cruise the rolling countryside.

Eat impeccable French cuisine at at Cafe Charcuterie.

Spend time outdoors.

Be surprised by what you notice when your mind is quiet.

Avoid the turkey vultures!

And of course, drink the wine.

Mug shots - the new head shot?

2012-01-22T13:05:00.000-08:00

Me - posing like an heiress!

A few years ago, it seemed there was a bonafide celeb D.U.I. phase in Los Angeles. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie all seemed busted around the same time as Mel Gibson, Mickey Rourke, and others. The first thing to splash across the tabloids is of course the mug shot.

Now the celeb mug shot has become so standard, that it's no longer taboo. In fact it's almost glamorous, as if the slammer is one of the inconvenient little perils of fame.

I was excited when presented the opportunity to have my very own mug shot. Instead of thinking, "Ugh, like a criminal?" I immediately thought, "Cool, like an heiress!" And I didn't have to selfishly risk the lives of others to obtain it. You can score mug shots for free at the San Diego Sheriff's Museum. And since it's in Old Town San Diego on a street lined with free historical tours, a haunted house and kickin' Mexican joints, it's so worth a roadtrip from L.A.

Attn: Abusive Yelpers - Watching The Food Network does not make you a pro!

2012-01-21T19:57:00.000-08:00

I toast to Umami Burger!

I am lucky to have one of the best jobs in the world - a food critic. I'm no Jonathan Gold, but I'll take what I can get. When I started reviewing restaurants, it was difficult not to give myself away. I'd have to take notes and steal a few photos without the waitstaff catching on.

sweet date soda with pine nuts

But these days with Yelp, anyone who can afford a meal feels entitled to write about food. Now when the waitstaff sees me scribbling notes or taking photos of my meal, they just roll their eyes and assume I'm a Yelper. And they have every right to roll their eyes. In this age of cyber-bullying, these anonymous diners pull no punches, critiquing the meal as if their exposure to The Food Network entitles them to rip a restaurant to shreds. Even world-reknown food critics have respect for these establishments.

That's why we have F YOU YELPER, just a little thing to help lash back at the cyber bullies, who consider themselves pros because they just found out that truffles aren't just chocolates. Always with the truffles.

Except, there is one place where ALL the bad reviews are deserved. Listen to these Yelpers when they warn you about Oasis Thai Spa. They have every right to believe it was built over the portal to hell.

HAPPY DINING!

Magic Johnson Foundation Celebrates 20 Years

2012-01-21T19:15:00.000-08:00

with Tess Finkle of Metro PR

Twenty years ago, Magic Johnson did something that most people wouldn't dream of doing. He announced to the world that he was HIV positive. While now it may seem less taboo, back then an admission like that was unheard of, and the open atmosphere surrounding this illness is something that younger generations take for granted. But instead of withdrawing into seclusion, he moved on after leaving the Los Angeles Lakers. He started the Magic Johnson Foundation and has worked hard to educate and inspire people all over the world.

To commemorate 20 years since his historic announcement, the Magic Johnson Foundation celebrated their 20-year anniversary with a Point Forward event at the Staples Center. Metro PR helped orchestrate this important day, which included a press conference, inspiring speeches and afterwards, a celebration of 20 years of service.

With friends like these...

2012-01-17T02:04:00.000-08:00

Good times at the historic Beverly Hills Hotel, where we helped to raise money for Friends of the Family. The famed "pink palace," where Marilyn Monroe once lived and which served as the silhouette on the Eagles' album cover of Hotel California, can now be crossed off my bucket list. The proceeds raised that night helped to improve the lives of young Angelenos in need, so we're investing in making Los Angeles a better place to live. In the end, it can be viewed as almost selfish. One less idiot gangster/tagger/freeloader off the street is always a plus in my eyes. I just don't get people who wear belts, yet still need to hold their pants up with their hands. It makes no sense.

Stephanie Yamashiro & co.

Best of all, the organization is not just handing over funds to these kids, replicating the black hole that is our broken welfare system. The kids are being taught to fish, and how to take responsibility. And in the sink or swim environment of Los Angeles, it's vital. It was a night of inspiring speeches, delicious food and a very impressive silent auction!

breathtaking vintage chandelier in the ballroom

hilar!!

Litzaya "Redrum" Ahumada

Thank you Natalie Wood

2012-01-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

My mother always had a thing for Natalie Wood. The actress died when I was a child, and that tragedy most likely heightened my mother's affinity. As children, she sang songs from Westside Story while cleaning the house, especially Maria. She sat us before the television to watch the musical, but it never struck a chord with me, all those Anglos pretending to be Puerto Ricans dancing around with knives.

But two Christmases ago, I finally watched Miracle on 34th Street and for some reason was mesmerized by Natalie as a child. Her wide brown eyes denoted innocence, but from those irresistibly curled lips came a mature tone seasoned with a near jadedness. Shortly after, I rented Splendor in the Grass and she broke my heart. I knew that Natalie Wood had mysteriously drowned off Catalina Island and that Christopher Walken was there, but had no idea she dated Elvis, Warren Beatty, Steve McQueen and and Michael Caine. She had married, divorced and remarried Robert Wagner. She was close friends with James Dean before he died and Dennis Hopper before he made it big. It was the mystery of her death that compelled me to read her biography, but all points leading up to her sad end were just as enthralling.

There is a bar down the street from our cabin called Oyster House Saloon, a dive patronized by friendly locals. While I like the 75 cent oyster tequila shots and homemade peach vodka, this town is full of too many options for me to think much of it. That is until I found out that Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner began their romance there. They had met once when she was 10 and he was 18 at a studio or industry event, but it wasn't until that night at the bar that their ill-fated love affair would commence.

Suddenly, Oyster House Saloon wasn't just the bar everyone in Studio City goes to when they don't feel like driving. It opened my eyes and became a landmark filled with history. The walls are covered with black and white photos and relics from the past that told real stories. Growing up in a suburb where Bennigan's reigned, I tend to forget that the kitsch covering the walls may not have been placed there by a corporate-hired mall chain designer, but a natural extension of decades and decades of good times.

The biography made the saloon feel haunted, as was Catalina Island where she drowned in the sea and Laurel Canyon, where a car crash threw her and Dennis Hooper smashing through the glass and onto the street, left for dead in the middle of a winding mountain road. At the hospital, she was too frightened to phone her overprotective Russian mother, so she and Hooper called director Nicholas Ray. Finally seeing Natalie as more than just a grown child star, the experience convinced Ray to offer Natalie the role opposite James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause.

Natalie Wood helped me look at Hollywood the way a Goonie would look at a treasure map. With a mix of innocence and curiosity, this town may not just be a landmine of strip malls and yawn-worthy architecture on the West Side. There are layers that can be peeled back to reveal history, whether sordid Hollywood secrets or rogue tales from the Wild West. I thank Natalie for the reminder.

For a pretty city

2012-01-13T21:28:00.000-08:00

According to basically everyone, the hottest girls in the USA are in Los Angeles. But of course it comes at a steep price. Going to bed hungry, laser resurfacing, etc. Thankfully, this pretty city has Pretty City, to link us to spa deals and discount beauty products.

Thank you Pretty City and SHAPE magazine, for throwing us an amazing bash in Beverly Hills! We always get excited when handed gift bags so heavy, it brings up bad memories of carrying sacks of flour dressed in baby clothes in a futile attempt to stop teen sex. But I digress. My friend Litzaya was so excited about her gift bag, she refused to look at its contents until she came home, where she said going through it will, "...feel like Christmas."

We were treated to raffle prizes, manicures, massages, eyebrow shaping, hairdos and make-up artists painting on new, better faces. We had wine, spicy tuna tartare, Kobe sliders, cupcakes, candy, brie cups and my new favorite finger food: fried chicken and waffles on a stick. Before their time, my friend. Before their time.

A Night of Beauty

2012-01-09T01:12:00.000-08:00

If there was ever a town that appreciated beauty, it would be Los Angeles. But this party celebrated not the liposucked, spray-tanned beauty wrapped in bandage dresses; this party celebrated a higher beauty. Art.

Held in the Vioski showroom, Vioski showed off their high-end furniture. Guests were invited to lounge upon the art which they called furniture.

Alexis Monsanto showcased their couture dresses. These one-of-a-kind pieces were showcased on slinky Asian models, none of which were spray-painted orange.

John Wolf showcased his fine art collection on the walls - surreal, complicated images of men and women.

Even the food was beautiful. Tiny glass cups of sesame kale salad, bacon-wrapped dates with broiled bleu cheese and decadent strawberry cupcakes.

But of course, something always happens to remind you that you're still in Los Angeles. And that something is reality TV cameras. Vic Cohen from Mobbed took off all of his clothes (like, all of them) and crawled into bed. At first, we thought he was a party prankster and piled into bed with him, spilling cocktails (sorry Vioski!) and making sick jokes. A man was filming the whole thing, and we assumed it was Vic's drinking buddy. Tony Hulse from Shifed2U got all the footage, and Lord knows where that will end up.

Good times!

Red Vines vs. Twizzlers

2012-01-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

If you thought gangsta rap was the great divide between the East Coast and West Coast, then you've never debated Red Vines vs. Twizzlers.

East Coasters heartily defend the Twizzler, pointing out that it's the only candy to make it to movie theatres coast to coast, plus it came out decades before Red Vines. West Coasters just roll their eyes and buy them by the bucketful; something Twizzlers can't offer. In classrooms and break rooms across California, even East Coasters can't help but pull out a straw and start gnawing.

What's the difference between the two? Twizzlers are softer and more flavorful, while Red Vines are chewier. In the end, it's simply a matter of flavor vs. texture.

Heated arguments ensue here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

Which side are you on?

Happy New Year Los Angeles!

2011-12-31T22:48:00.000-08:00

Have a winning New Year L.A.!

(I know, this joke is SO last season)

Merry Christmas Los Angeles!

2011-12-25T02:16:00.000-08:00

In celebration of this season, I'd love to share with you some of the AMAZING holiday good times Los Angeles has to offer. Above are the spirited, Dickensian carolers at the Tam O'Shanter. They harmonize so well, they vibrate. They carol from December 1st - 30th. It's a MUST DO.

ALSO:

Holiday lights downtown are proof that the scene is booming. There was even a troupe of local carolers!

Day trip to Santa Barbara to enjoy holiday shopping, and decadent chocolates from Chocolats du CaliBressan. After all, Jean-Michel Carre is known as "the French chocolatier of the American Riviera."

The historic Roosevelt Hotel is all decked out, with real trees (ah, the smell) and gourmet gingerbread houses.

The streets are decked out!

Luckily, my neighbors across the street were inspired by A Charlie Brown Christmas....and penguins.

The beauty of tacky Christmas lights. This is in Pasadena, not far from Christmas Tree Lane!

The cabin always looks best at Christmas, as most cabins do!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Hollywood Babylon

2011-12-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

My neighbor Linda let me borrow the controversial book Hollywood Babylon, an infamous expose on the debauchery of early Hollywood. From the days of silent film to the 1950's, the founding stars of Tinseltown had antics that would make even the most jaded Angelenos blush.

Hours-long orgies were taped inside of studios, never to make it to theatres. Directors held these elaborate sex scenes (sometimes involving slaves and torture) as artistic visions, but America's laws on censorship made sure they never saw the light of day. The country's consternation over the budding film industry was so intensely disapproving, that actors and directors in the 20's and 30's were considered pleasure-loving outcasts, not lauded celebrities.

There were all-night parties, murders, rivalries, involvement with the mob and starlets overdosing in their Hollywood apartments only to be eaten by their house pets. But none of the stories filled me with such shock and horror as the story of Fatty Arbuckle.

Hollywood Babylon writer Kenneth Anger claimed that the burly actor raped aspiring actress Virginia Rappe behind a locked door at a party. Everyone heard her screams, and later Rappe mumbled to friends, "He hurt me," and "Arbuckle did it." She died a couple of days later. Her bladder had ruptured and her insides were torn to shreds. Hollywood Babylon claims that he had raped her with a broken Champagne bottle. In fact, long after his trial and acquittal, he was pulled over for drunk driving (a chronic addiction he suffered until death), and he smashed a bottle on the side of the road and laughed, "There goes the evidence."

Other sources I have read claim that there is no evidence to support the bottle theory, which is one of the reasons Hollywood Babylon is so controversial. It's the inaccuracy. There were signs that the book was smutty. The cover shows Jayne Mansfield with an exposed nipple; the only thing colored red in the black and white photo aside from her lips. The photos inside, while enthralling, are gratuitous. On display are dead bodies, whether with gunshot wounds, head in a gas oven or partially eaten by house pets. But nothing disturbed me as much as the story of Fatty Arbuckle.

I recommend this book for those fascinated with history and pop culture. But you have to read it like one would Us Weekly - with a grain of salt.

Cheaters Beware

2011-12-07T17:50:00.000-08:00

We may never understand why Hugh Grant lowered himself to risking jail and Elizabeth Hurley just to receive the affections of a strung out prostitute. In a car. Grant was caught outside of Sally Struthers' house, by the way - little-known fact I picked up. What's even more odd is that he did this in Los Angeles, when he could easily have hooked up with a wannabe celebrity at The Standard. At least that way she's cuter, bathes regularly and has a room. Then again, maybe Grant steered clear of the hangers-on for good reason. Too many people on try to use sex with a celebrity to springboard off the tabloid circuit and into fame. Plus, Divine Brown (pictured above) is kind of cute.

But these days, all it takes is one scorned lover and a laptop get you into the Cheaters Registry. Everyone Googles their first date, and now, your transgressions may pop up for all the world, including your mother, to see. If your date is particularly savvy, they may cut to the chase and hit the Cheaters Registry first. Best of luck to you.

Selling used diaphragms for $50? Asian servers dressed as French maids and putting bibs on you?

2011-12-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

Only in Los Angeles. No, I take that back. Only in Los Angeles and Japan. And we know Japan is all kinds of pervy, with vending machines filled with used panties and all.

Yes, it's true. Here, I Snopes'd it for you.

Vending machine at L.A.'s Royal-T, "Lightly-used Diaphragm" (spelled wrong & $50)

While the Harajuku style is fun and playful, the French maid outfits at Royal-T were more Harajuku-Meets-kindergartner. The girlish puff sleeves, miniskirt and knee socks reinforced the Japanese custom to make grown women look like little girls, which is the sexual ideal in Japan. At least French maids look like women. You go France. Note to restaurateurs: I am not a pedophile.


Chillin' with The Glass Twins of GT Events

The food was great, the variety of cupcakes plentiful, and it's a fun art space. My favorite was the Port-a-Party - a giant Porta Potty-shaped iPod that played real music. But don't get me started on the used diaphragms in the vending machine. I'm not offended about them poking fun at the perverted side of Japanese culture. I'm more offended that they spelled diaphragm wrong and charged $50 for it.

Port-a-Party!!

Thank You Los Angeles!

2011-11-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

1) The Original Farmers Market on 3rd and Fairfax

2) Griffith Park

3) The Golden Deli Vietnamese restaurant

4) Sunset Ranch evening rides through the Hollywood hills

5) Close proximity to the San Diego Zoo (see above video)

The Mansons were idiots, and while I'm at it so is Marilyn Manson

2011-11-21T22:52:00.000-08:00

Sharon Tate

January 24, 1943 – August 9, 1969

Ever since reading Helter Skelter in high school, I've been fascinated by the Manson murders, if only because they made no sense. The Manson "family" committed a slew of horrific crimes for the sake of...well, nothing actually. The crime that sticks out in everyone's mind is the murder of Sharon Tate. The Valley of the Dolls actress was almost nine months pregnant with Roman Polanski's baby, which the murderous group took upon themselves to practically remove from her body.

It’s one thing to get past the dark history and have a new family move in to the home. That would give the Mansons less cultural and historical power. But it’s a whole other thing to try to make a profit off the tragedy. I was annoyed when I found out that Trent Reznor used it as a recording studio with Nine Inch Nails, and more so when he ushered in his little protégé Marilyn Manson to record there. Adding insult to injury, they named the studio "Pig Studios" or "Le Pig," after what was scrawled across the door in Sharon Tate's blood. It’s as if the bands needed that gimmick to make themselves more dark and interesting, because they lacked the character and personality to be at all substantial.

Even Christina Ricci agrees. Regarding Marilyn Manson, she is quoted as saying, "I hate the things they preach. They found a gimmick that sells. The fact that they're making money off all these teenage kids who actually believe in their message is disgusting."

The tragedy took place on Cielo Drive, and I recently hiked there with my greyhounds. I know the address had been switched to ward off drive-by gawking, but walk-by non-gawking with your dogs makes you look like a neighbor, and I knew where the house was.

The neighborhood was still. In fact, everything was eerily quiet as if recovering from their turbulent past. No cars drove by, no one was tending to their lawn, no smells of cooking or faint sounds of music. The opening scene of Helter Skelter shows Tate's frantic housemaid tearing down Cielo Drive screaming and waving her arms in the air. As I walked up that isolated street, this image kept flashing in my mind. The maid must have been terrified, thinking that the killers may have still been on the property. I wondered what the killers said to Tate before ending her life, and what went through her own mind. I thought about how senseless it all was. Manson gave us even more proof that if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. He was a failed musician and a drug-crazed egomaniac who brainwashed a group of bored stupid people from the suburbs. That's all it was.

I stood at the gate with my dogs and stole a glance at the new house/studio built where the old home stood. Thanks goodness Trent and his crappy music factory have moved. I'm happy to say he grew up. I then turned around and walked briskly back to my car. It wasn't as interesting as I thought it would be. I didn't think it was cool. I didn’t think it was rock and roll. The whole thing was just sad.

Hollywood, but dead

2011-11-14T00:47:00.000-08:00

I hopped on board of the cozy, air conditioned van that was scheduled to zip us around Los Angeles. But we weren't on a Starline Bus to see where the stars lived. We were going to see where Marilyn Monroe died, where the Manson murders took place and other sites where stars and civilians met their tragic end. I was on the Dearly Departed Tour.

Scott Michaels is the founder of the Dearly Departed Tour, and his enthusiasm was infectious. So wrapped up he is in the history of Hollywood, that he repeatedly derailed the basic stops to show us where the stars lived, died and behaved badly. Our tour runneth over by a half an hour, giving us more than our money's worth. He gets a twinkle in his eye when talking about death. He spoke fast and excitedly when showing us the houses that had been razed when Howard Hughes took that ill-fated flight through West Los Angeles. The film version shows Leonardo DiCaprio smashing through mansions, sparking fires and tearing up lawns with his airplane.

He was wistful when pointing out the soon-to-be razed Ambassador Hotel, where Robert Kennedy was shot. He was quiet and reverential when showing us homes where Manson murders took place. He didn't even want to waste a bathroom break on us, and took us to the public restroom in a Beverly Hills park where singer George Michael was busted for soliciting sex.

But his fascination was a little intense when it came to a nondescript auto body shop in Hollywood. Apparently, it was where James Dean got his motorcycle or convertible worked on. Our tour guide drove by expecting the building to be standing, and when he saw a shamble of crumbled brick, he pulled over and staggered out into the parking lot. He looked lost. We followed behind him as we always did. He turned to us and continued with his James Dean story, urging us to pick up a brick and keep it as a souvenir . He did so, and solemnly. I looked at my date and thought, "Dude, I don't want to take home a brick. It's...a brick." But one by one, we all lifted a brick from the rubble while he watched. I tossed mine out later, as I am sure the others did too.

But I can't knock him for it. Sure, he held a brick like it was baby Jesus, but it was that same enthusiasm and childlike wonder that made the Dearly Departed tour top notch. It's a must-do.

Elizabeth Short (A.K.A. The Black Dahlia) before her death

Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles

2011-11-07T00:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but I thought Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was overrated. Lauded by Hunter S. Thompson fans and people who get wasted as sport, no one ever actually discusses the film. They just wish to make it known that they saw it; especially in front of devotees of William S. Burroughs, a talented writer who is overshadowed by ridiculous worshippers who admire him for taking drugs. It almost seems like if one person admits that Fear and Loathing was boring and aimless, they'll all fall down.

There is one great thing about that movie though, and it's Bahooka. In East Los Angeles, I used to drive by a strange building that looked a cross between a tiki hut and a stranded ship. The sign read Bahooka. I said to my husband that we had no choice but to to go there. He wondered why I was so adamant, seeing as how I had never been inside and the restaurant sign featured those two dreaded words, "Family Restaurant."

But I just new. Come on, it was named Bahooka! It was pure camp. Upon entering, the place was deafeningly gurgling with fish tanks, and giant fish in psychedelic colors stared you down. It was woody and dark, and stretched across the walls were tangled fish netting and all sorts of paraphernalia from the 60's. Giant Polynesian drinks were carried out, weighed down by maraschino cherries and pineapple slices. Straws were poked out of coconuts, and dark hallways led to faraway cubby holes and nooks for couples. This was the type of place where people would actually use the term "grog."

And the best part? It was not a family restaurant. It was a cavernous dive bar that happened to be a restaurant. Loud parties gather in the maze of rooms and hallways to eat island-inspired dishes, surf and turf specials, and...oh who am I kidding? They're getting drunk!

We ordered a giant, flaming bowl filled with some cocktail of the tropical persuasion, and it went straight to my head. How can you knock a place that serves giant bowls of fire? I even saw the place at Christmas, and it was a jolly, sloppy party of a place. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas shot scenes in this restaurant, and I must admit, they really had something there.

Happy Halloween, Los Angeles!

2011-10-31T00:00:00.000-07:00

Scenes from last year's festivities. Enjoy!

Run in with Top Model's CRAZY Lisa D'Amato - LOVE her!

2011-10-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

Crazy Lisa - breaking hearts and iPhones!

One of the advantages to living in L.A.and not New York is the lack of models. Sure, there are beautiful women everywhere, but they're short. When I was invited to a party for America's Next Top Model, there was no hiding how much shorter and pudgier I was. I was a bowling ball amongst bowling pins.

pushing her signature fragrance

So naturally, I looked for flaws in all of them. Cameras were rolling as America's Next Top Model All-Stars tried to out-pitch one another with a signature fragrance created just for them. They were awash in pearly mineral make-up and bleached teeth, smiling and glowing. Only one girl would be chosen for a signature fragrance deal, based on our feedback.

pushing Sensual

The girls stood in bathtubs, beckoning us to try their signature fragrances. Men ate it up as lotion was rubbed into their hands. Some of the men believed that the women were really into them; and not trying to secure their shaky financial future. They got into the bathtubs with the girls. You could see the annoyance on their faces, as stage make-up slid off into the cold water. But the cameras rolled and they gritted their teeth, smiling through their anger.

There was one model who did make me feel better about myself - Lisa D'Amato. That's because she was absolutely out of her mind. We loved her - she was like the Courtney Love of the models. The wild one. She's notorious for peeing in an adult diaper on the show and joining Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. She was pushing her signature Neon fragrance. Instead of pandering to men with some demure eyelash-batting, she whooped and hollered, telling everyone that they needed to loosen up and have fun. When people got too close, she kicked her bathtub water, splashing passersby and squealing. Getting splashed with water isn't as whimsical and fun as it was back in the day, since Angelenos are tethered to pricey electronic devices.

with Aussie actor Glenn Millanta

I think she was drunk. My friends and I cheered her on, of course. The other models rolled their eyes, as a crowd gathered away from them and lights shone onto Lisa. If a camera happened to swing in their direction, they switched to a pageant smile and said, "Oh, that Lisa. She's a free spirit." Top Model host Nigel Barker gave her a little talking-to, but behind his back, we were telling her not to listen. We told her to push Tyra into a tub if she showed up, convincing her it would make her a hero. Which it would, of course.

I liked Lisa. Sure, she was pushing her Neon party girl gimmick just as much as the others pushed their Ambition, or Sensual fragrance idea. But she was fun, and not such a man-pleaser.

goofing off on location at the Roosevelt

waiting for the valet

If it's not deep-fried, it's not a doughnut

2011-10-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

The PB & J fonut - tasty!

Fonuts in West Hollywood is having their "moment" right now. Fueled by the hype of Thrillist and hipsters, crowds wipe out entire batches of Salted Caramel fonuts before lunch time.

What is a fonut? A faux doughnut, which is baked instead of fried. They used to be called Fauxnuts, but I guess that was hard for people. That makes sense, considering their clientele. Fonuts makes gluten-free options, and every gullible twit out there is convinced they are allergic to gluten. That's why THIS GUY is my hero.

I was excited to try their Chorizo Cheddar fonuts, but there was no sin in it. It wasn't spicy, cheesy or meaty. It was fluffy and yellow with red swirls. Their Maple Bacon fonut wasn't salty enough to counter the sweetness, and didn't hold a candle to Nickel Diner.

I thought I'd have better luck with the sweet doughnuts, and I did. The Banana Chocolate fonut was nice... like a muffin. That's the thing about fonuts. People get excited to try a healthy version of a doughnut, but it is not any version of a doughnut. They were baked goods pressed into a ring shape, like a bundt. Some were great, like the Peanut Butter and Jelly fonut. But it will never be like Pinkberry, who have successfully marketed themselves as a healthier version of a sinful, American classic.

Unfortunately for us, if it's not deep-fried, it's not a doughnut.

The People of Public Transit

2011-10-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

It still kills me that Los Angeles' public transportation is sadder than John Gosselin's Ed Hardy-clad midlife crisis. Here in LaLa Land, one poor fool must always serve as designated driver. If we venture out to celebrate any communal activity with fellow Angelenos, such as fireworks on Independence Day, pub crawls or summer concerts at the Hollywood Bowl, we are punished by soul-crushing traffic.

On the bright side, we don't have to breathe the same stale air as The People of Public Transit. Much like the popular site that pokes fun of the horrors seen lurking around Wal-Mart, this one is even better because it will piss off "green-living" types desperate to define themselves. You know the ones, they are understandably pro-public transportation, but then also think it's progressive to ride a stationary bike for 30 minutes to power their toaster.

Singafest Asian Film Festival

2011-10-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

L.A. Weekly hosted a party for Singafest, the Asian Film Festival in Los Angeles.

L.A. is the perfect place for an event like this. Not only are we across the pond from Asia, but this town is filled with pervs who consider Asian women the ultimate novelty - approaching them as if car shopping. Whiskey Blue had quiet pockets of WASPy male oglers who had no intention of seeing any of the films. They clustered in corners, whispered and pointed as diminutive girls slinked by in beaded dresses. It seems that the creators of this event celebrated this exploitation, and put this beauty (below) on the invite.

Whiskey Blue at the

Now, on to the party! Where I come from, if an invite says "tray service," it means that good-looking people will pass around free food and drinks. In this case, it was free food, but a cash bar. Only we didn't know it until after we ordered our whiskey. We didn't mind at first, until we noticed that most of the trays of food were held high over their heads, to avoid the gaze of non-VIPs. Ninety percent of the servers swept into VIP, so that the poor servers holding trays in the "less important" crowd were accosted by hungry hordes, circling like zombies in search of brains.

Germ fest!

Bags of popcorn were laid out to appease the non-VIP crowd, but everyone was afraid to stick their hands inside the potentially germ-filled snack. They didn't know what kind of people were around them. And the creepy white dudes standing in the corners didn't help matters.

We were starved, but we had our pride. We snuck into the VIP area (pictured above), slammed Champagne that sat in ice buckets, and made off with a gift bag. Plus we met a lovely gentleman from Wired LA named Don Rose and were graced with the no-nonsense awesomeness of DJ Smiles. Anyone that can work Nu Shooz into a spin mix is good peeps to me.

Seriously?

2011-10-14T03:27:00.000-07:00

Is that...fly tape? What kind of crazy, turn-of-the century business is this? We're in Los Angeles - our state alone is the ninth largest economy in the world. I haven't seen fly tape since it was used as a prop in that sleazy diner on that old Nickelodeon show You Can't Do That on Television.

You know that skit - the one that always ends with the greasy chef saying, "D' IIIIIIIIII heard that." And green slime originated from that show. It was dumped on kids whenever they said, "I don't know." Green slime may be a mainstay on the Teen Choice Awards these days, but they took the idea from Nickelodeon, who lifted it right off of You Can't Do That on Television.

Well, you can't do fly tape on television either. Or do it in private. It's just not okay.

Sushi Mac vs. Sushi Roku

2011-10-11T12:06:00.000-07:00

Sushi Mac is genius for the following reasons:

- all plates $3, with tax built in

- cash only, to keep overhead low

- rock music blasting, so no one knows they're in a dive

I need these!

Honestly, all a cheap restaurant needs to do is blast loud music, because it will attract youths, jaded couples who didn't feel like talking anyway and moneyed couples who see the youth in the window, and think everyone is in on something. Because let's face it, raw fish freaks some people out, and they'd never go to a cheap sushi joint and risk listeria. But loud music? Boom.The place is instantly chic.

Roku's new look

I love Sushi Mac, but the existence of Sushi Mac also makes me love Sushi Roku, the upscale Japanese restaurant across the street. If it can stand up against Sushi Mac and their throngs of followers, they must be pretty great. They even underwent a recent renovation, and my friends and I stopped in for lunch to check out the changes. Here's a peek!

awesome witch cauldron in front

The Great Lesbian Letdown

2011-10-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

I was pretty excited to experience Panty Night at Girl Bar in West Hollywood. Bundles of new panties were to be tossed into the crowd. I thought that new undergarments might help me recoup the cost of my overpriced cocktails. In a perfect world I'd score something campy from Trashy Lingerie, but lesbians aren't known for Little Bo Peep-themed corsets.

Maybe I'd score something sensible. But who would toss Hanes into a West Hollywood crowd? When the disco (yes, disco) started, slender girls traipsed atop the bar in Halloween Slut cop gear. I was taken aback by how much the lesbian idea of sexy parallels the hetero male version. Not that I expected chicks to stomp out in overalls and toss out organic seed packs, but I was disappointed to know that the idea of sexy seemed to be the same across the board.

That's my Great Lesbian Letdown; it would seem that no matter what the sexual preference is, all women are doomed to life without love (or at least sex) unless they commit to binding clothing, low-carb diets and stiletto heels. We can't catch a break, even at Girl Bar.

Girls Who Take Too Many Pictures of Themselves

2011-09-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

We've all been there, though this problem is especially rampant in Los Angeles. When trying to enjoy a meal at a restaurant you're distracted by the repeated flashing of bulbs at the adjacent table. A small group of girls (it's always girls) take repeated photos of themselves in various poses, hoping to grab a flattering shot for their Facebook pages. Usually, these girls update their photos once a week.

Multiple-self-photo-takers usually have the arm shot in the corner, a telltale sign that no other human has the patience to deal with their vanity.

A series of shots may include:

"Us holding up our margarita glasses!"

"Us making pouting kissy-faces!"

"Me grabbing my friend's boob because I'm soooooo crazy!"

"Me holding a cherry in my teeth!"

...and so on.

Thank God for Random Creepy Guy, sneaking into the background to ruin the photos of multiple-self-photo-takers. In the long run, he'll hopefully reducing that blinding flash that lashes at you in dark bars while enjoying cocktails, restaurants, and if you are a Random Creepy Guy yourself, at the Anime covention.

Escape to Palm Springs!

2011-09-21T14:56:00.000-07:00

One of best things about living in L.A. is getting out of L.A.. All the quiet canyons in the world can't make up for the bustling energy of America's second largest city.

up and away

We escaped to Palm Springs! The Palms Springs Tramway sweeps you off the hot desert floor to the snowy peaks of the San Jacinto mountains. In ten minutes, we went from the low desert to 8,300 feet above sea level! With a 360 degree view and a tram that spins on the way up, it was breathtaking. And kind of terrifying.

How is this OK???

Yeaaaa...what if a cable snapped?

different ecosystem at the top of the San Jacinto mountains

in thin air

We stayed at the Renaissance Esmeralda resort. While the place was teeming with children (which is hideous), it was gorgeous. It featured three pools, a bar in the middle of those three pools, waterfalls, an outdoor movie theatre in the sand, a gym, a spa, restaurants, boutiques and more.

one of the countless outdoor lounges, open all night & fire included

Cava, aglow in midcentury modern style - de rigueur in Palm Springs

It's also home to Stir Lounge, a hopping nightclub. Girls in spandex dresses and 4-inch heels passed by one night, all perfumed and bejeweled. I was covered in aloe from a day in the sun, wet hair and a hoodie. They looked great, but I couldn't be bothered. I wanted to sink into my hotel bed, watch HBO and eat my Peanut Butter Cups. It's not like I missed out on anything. I live in L.A.

in the lap of luxury

In fact, it seemed L.A. came to us! We dined in two different restaurants owned by Clint Eastwood. Well, he's a partial owner, but once you hear Clint Eastwood, all other names become white noise. He is the man. We dined at the Hog's Breath Inn and Jackalope Ranch. They sound like dusty watering holes, but both were in fact plush and modern. The Hog's Breath Inn twinkled with delicate glassware and candles, which were seamlessly juxtaposed with murals from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

The Good, The Bad and The Delicious

The Jackalope Ranch was a whimsical Western-themed hideaway, with stone slab interiors, piano bar and serious meat.

If Clint thinks this is cool, so do I!

It was a great trip, but like most, was too short. One needs a week at minimum to decompress from Los Angeles. So I stalled on the way home, going on my usual Palm Springs shopping spree, where the vintage is unbelievable. I scored a Japanese kimono-like shirt, seventies party dresses and a new Bandolino top. Not bad!

Dirty Harry martini and a chocolatini

And if you're really stalling on your drive back to L.A., stop at Cinemas Palme d'Or, which features quality and independent films, serves beer and gives an air-conditioned respite from the heat. I like it because the Palme d'Or is the most prestigious award given to films at the Cannes Film Festival. Good name. Good times.

One for the road - strawberry was the best

People that take themselves too seriously

2011-09-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

I was at Bar Marmont a while back and couldn't help but notice Michael Stipe (lead singer of R.E.M.) sitting nearby. He was pouting, wearing all-black with a black beret and refusing to smile at his table of otherwise shiny, happy people.

I was annoyed, but not because I think he's some celebrity monkey that needs to dance for me. I want to stress that if I saw any dude pouting in all black with a black beret it would bother me. Some people just take themselves too seriously.

Part of the reason for my anger is that Mr. Tortured Artist refuses to play the song Shiny Happy People on stage, no matter how bad his fans want it. His excuse? Apparently the song is really deep, and was making a mockery of a Chinese Communist propaganda poster. Um, yea. No one got that from the technicolor video of him flailing his arms and dancing with the redhead from the B-52's. So shut up and play the song that helped you be a millionaire courtesy of us.

Now that my rant has started, I should mention that Radiohead refuses to sing their iconic song Creep live. Yet another example of our money making these guys a bunch of self-important knuckleheads.

Oh, and the Beastie Boys refuse to play (You Gotta) Fight for your Right to Party. How do you like that? Apparently, they don't like jocks pump-fisting to that song because they say it was meant to make fun of those very people. Funny, that didn't come across in the video. And they certainly didn't seem that socially conscious when they recorded the song Girls which included the lines:

Girls!

Do do the dishes.

Girls!

To clean up my room.

Girls!

To do the laundry.

Girls!

And in the bathroom.

Girls!

Oh but let me guess, that song was really deep too. They were probably exposing the dark underbelly of sexism in Hip Hop culture.

Spanish Love Affair

2011-09-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

"That's so racist!" is my usual response when receiving an invite for an event geared towards the advancement of one race and one race only. However, I do embrace invites that celebrate a race's culture. And by culture, I mean an open bar and good food. So when I received a recent invite to an event about Latinos in media, the response went something like, "That's so rac...tacos?"

Not only was this party a celebration of Latino culture, but there were thoughtful discussions on Latinos in media today; how they are represented in TV and movies, Nielson ratings and more. I learned a lot.

so much booze, you need a ladder

Playa Restaurant threw the bash, and their chic restaurant was decked with a floor-to-ceiling wine rack, a floor-to-ceiling bar with a library-like sliding ladder for bartenders, and light fixtures that looked like space age Muppets. They served lobster ceviche on homemade potato chips, chipotle caviar, quesadillas and asparagus cream soup with bacon.

Best of all, their signature cocktails were made with fresh fruits, vegetables and herbs. They squeezed a rain forest of delights into our glasses.

jungle juice, redefined

In order of importance:

Spanish Love Affair

vodka, red bell pepper, basil, lemon and agave nectar

Street Fighter

white rum, coconut cream, turmeric, pineapple and mint

streetfighters

Diving Bell

Single Village Mezcal, English gin, lime, falernum, caramelized pineapple gomme, yuzu and cayenne pepper

how many turmeric-wielding bartenders do you know?

drinking pure culture

Fashion's Night Out 2011

2011-09-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

A lot of people claim that L.A. is devoid of fashion, and to be honest, I got a little angry when I saw this Spearmint Rhino-looking mess outside of Kitson for Fashion's Night Out:

dressed for the male gaze, not for beauty

But it got better. In fact, I had more fun than last year and took in a fashion show. Santa Monica Place had been closed for eons, had a giant L.A. Facelift and unveiled last year. It's now an open-air mall, sadly devoid of one-of-a-kind boutiques but filled with mall-ish stores of the uptown variety. Thankfully, there are exciting new features, like free KCRW concerts with everyone's crush, Jason Bentley, non-mall restaurants (take that, Sbarro!) and outdoor movies.

Laura Mercier makeover

Santa Monica Place stepped up for Fashion's Night Out with free makeovers, courtesy of Laura Mercier and Carlton Hair. Free ice cream samples, contests and best of all - a full-on fashion show. I can never deny that New York is the epicenter for American fashion. But like the song goes, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

mini cupcakes at Brandy Melville

Amazing stuff from Betsey Johnson

wine and cheese spread at Kitson

Abusive!

2011-09-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

Gay Pornmobile!

West Hollywood, CA

Summer is NOT over

2011-09-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

Capri, Italy - August 2011

Summer is NOT over. Summer is NOT over. It's a mantra I repeat as Indian Summer approaches. It all started during a Labor Day party we threw years ago. After the sliced watermelon, fireworks, water balloon fight and endless Negra Modelo, each of our guests walked away with a jade plant in a pot that read, "Summer is NOT over."

bike riding in Venice beach with Dawn Kohn & Kim Burke-Connors

I can feel my East Coast counterparts rolling their eyes. I know what they're thinking. What do I know of the sadness of summer being over? In Los Angeles, I won't have to deal with frozen windshields and bare trees. But aside from the subtle Californian cues from Mother Nature that summer is indeed over, the cultural cues inundate daily life. Back-to-school media is everywhere, the sun sets before I can finish hiking Fryman Canyon, and most importantly: the September issue of Vogue sits on my nightstand. January may be the new year on the calendar, but every woman knows that fall fashion is where we make a fresh new start on the year.

training the grapevines and bougainvillea

Pisa, Italy - August 2011

Am I ready for it? No. Why? Because I don't have to be. Summer is NOT over. But since it actually is, I've decided to share some of my favorite moments during this glorious season. This post is more personal than my others, but this summer was very special. We feel blessed and I can't help but share. Enjoy!

Xai Verandah, Sunset Strip

Barcelona

breaking into creepy Bottle Village, Simi Valley, CA

Rome! Carbs!

VIP pass at Six Flags Magic Mountain - A.K.A. Wally World!

gigantic cruise ship on the Mediterannean, with 3 sick water slides!

Pompeii

Capri, post-espresso pre-gelato


Sorrento, post-Limoncello

Hiking with the dogs, Griffith Park

Mallorca

Cava, Palm Springs

Blackjack, craps, roulette and Davinci's Mystery!

boating off the Amalfi Coast

simonLA cotton candy

2011-08-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

Hotel Sofitel is one of the chicest hotels in Beverly Hills. Too bad they have about 18 gorgeous employees whose sole job is to greet you on your way in, because you'll be paying their salaries when booking a room. But it's classy all the same.

simonLA is their in-house restaurant, and if you haven't heard of their abusive junk food platter, it comes with: cotton candy, caramel corn, donuts, cookies, a peanut butter sundae, cupcakes, ding dongs, Rice Krispies treats and SnoBalls.

We were too stuffed to take on the junk food platter by the end of our meal, but the chef sent over Hugh Hefner's favorite: a billowy mountain of cotton candy - on the house. It would appear that I'm not paying the salary of those 18 gorgeous hotel greeters for nothing!

carb heaven

Openly judging people (yay!) at theTop Chef party

2011-08-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

Too many people start their sentences with, "I don't want to be judgmental, but..." But what? You would like to judge? Of course you would! Judging is what stops kids from taking that candy from strangers and women from going home with guys who unbutton their shirts past the third button. Judging is healthy, it's exhilarating....unless you have to do it on camera. In front of a crowd.

Antonia Lofaso

...Yeaaa. I was called up as a Top Chef judge at the L.A. All-Star event. Jamie Lauren and Antonia Lofaso were battling it out over their stoves as us judges sat on stage. As the girls fried cod and improvised with cantaloupe, chilies and other goods, we watched the clock counting down, sipped our bottled water and answered questions into the mic. I mentioned I was a food critic for Boulevard and other magazines, and Antonia snapped, "Oh great! Just what I need - a food critic on the panel!"

Jamie Lauren

But she was all joy and sweetness compared to Jamie Lauren. It wasn't her tattoos that made her fierce. Associating "bad people" with tattoos is so 80's. It was her Courtney Love aura - she was all rock and roll, razor-tongued irreverence.

In the end though, I had to choose between the two. My choice would have been secret were it not for Monsieur Cordon Bleu - the chef judge next to me who divulged who picked who. Not cool. I'm a people-pleaser, and when it was announced that I chose Antonia, I shrunk in my seat to avoid Jamie's gaze.

Me & Monsieur Cordon Bleu

Later, as I posed for photos with the stars of the show, Jamie Lauren slipped me a headshot that read, "You Suck, bad Judgement"

I love her.

She hates me!

Both Antonia and Jamie have restaurants here in L.A. Based on the tastiness they served me, I highly recommend hitting them up! Antonia's Black Market dominates the night scene in Studio City and Jamie's Vodvil just opened in the Fairfax District. She said the ambiance "is like your grandmother's basement," and will serve up Americana kitsch; chicken pot pie, pigs in a blanket, etc. Best of all, it's game night every night, and I'm not talking sports!

Jamie's dish, left & Antonia's on the right

You may even see me there, groveling for forgiveness and enjoying the abuse.

Celeb Stalking at it's Worst

2011-08-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

Many complain that celebs should stop griping about the paparazzi, as it's "part of the deal." But with anything involving privacy, there is always a line. I can't tell you how many interviews I've read where stars sadly lament not being able to go to the beach anymore, in fear of having their thighs splashed across the pages of a magazine, photos zoomed in on the cellulite with arrows pointing to the offending visage. It makes me sad that the ocean has been taken away from them. It's one of the biggest redeeming factors in Los Angeles. No one is sure when the tabloids got that out of hand, but it's unfortunate for them and shame on us.

It isn't only the magazine's fault. It's an issue of supply and demand, and if petty gossip didn't fly off the shelves as fast as it did, cellulite zoom-in centerfolds wouldn't happen. As if celebrity worship didn't make us look pathetic enough, there's OMGICU - (OMG I see you) a new celebrity stalking page where everyday people can drop very important information, like seeing Courtney Thorne Smith pumping gas, or David Spade buying saline solution at Rite-Aid. Because you know, there is a real public need or whatever.

Tears.

Seriously?

2011-08-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

There's a website called Hot Chicks Plunging their Toilets?

Best Doughnuts in L.A.

2011-07-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

In college I worshipped at the altar of Krispy Kreme. Since moving to Los Angeles, I've been obsessed with the bacon maple glazed doughnuts at Nickel Diner.

But there's a new sheriff in town. Waterloo and City's Bourbon Glazed Doughnuts are so delicious, they're abusive. Everything you taste for days afterward will seem lackluster; almost wooden.

Words cannot describe it, but I will try. The glaze only has a slight hint of bourbon but is sticky sweet, slightly salty, and the crust has a microthin layer of crispiness. Once you bite in, the yielding, fluffy interior is piping hot and almost creamy. It comes with a side of bourbon glaze and white icing. But it needs neither of these. You can't mess with perfection.

Below, you'll see shots of other dishes we enjoyed at Waterloo and City. But if you walk away with anything, know that the doughnuts are never on the menu, but always available if you know to order them.

You're welcome.

Caesar, poached organic egg, dried prosciutto, anchovies

tuna tartare, fried piquillo pepper, avocado

oysters on rock salt

Whole roasted chicken with burning sage (see fire on top) and french fries

rotisserie lamb, crispy shepherd’s pie, sunchokes, gremolata

sticky toffee pudding, milk ice cream, salted caramel & French meringues

Sin and the City

2011-07-25T22:42:00.000-07:00

breakfast buffet + bathing suit = full body shot phobia

Even before Swingers made "Vegas Baby!" a household catchphrase, Angelenos have always fled to Las Vegas to gamble. I mean, that's the lure isn't it? L.A. is already a desert loaded with strip clubs and world class restaurants. Since I hate to gamble, I have a hard time jumping on the Vegas bandwagon.

"Why don't they make a Kardashian channel and get it over with?"

When my East Coast friends start getting an itch for Vegas, I tell them they make a cream for that. But I'll make the roadtrip out there of course. Being 3,000 miles away from old friends is a good reason to visit Sin City. In fact, I don't hate everything in Vegas. I love the Mirage breakfast buffet (Pho and French toast???) and I love lounging at the pools. It's at sundown that everyone goes wild. That's when I like to crawl into bed, pour some Maker's Mark into a tumbler and enjoy a Forensic Files marathon - if I can weed through the tangled filter of Kardashian programming.

Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill at Caesar's Palace

A decade after Swingers, Americans became obsessed with reality TV, and second-tier celebs and heiresses started making appearance deals with the clubs. When reality stars show up, Americans on a Vegas vacation from small towns flock to the watering hole, camera phones in hand. Sixteen dollar cocktails be damned. The club owners experience a windfall of cash, which motivates them get contracts signed with Laguna Beach alumni. In L.A., tabloid-addicted twenty-somethings and their jealous douchebag boyfriends throw away hundreds, even thousands of dollars for a weekend in Vegas, so they can brag about their hangovers, and being in the same club with Holly Madison and the douches that throw the parties (see Cy Waits).

I'm just happy to see old friends.

Kristy Kostyniuk, me & Shelly Bailey

Vegas breakfast

Sometimes getting there is half the fun

sausage party

cigarette break after singing Jenny Lewis at the top of our lungs

The Mirage

Under the same roof as Will & Kate!

2011-07-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

The Belasco Theatre

Well, not at the same time. Just a couple of weeks apart, but I was there first. The royal couple, whom I shamelessly adore for reasons scarily unknown to me, came for the sold-out BAFTA dinner.

Clearly, Univision knows how (see HERE) and where to throw a party! We were at the historic Belasco Theatre in downtown for the Univision upfronts. Honestly, it was hard to keep our eyes trained on the world-famous Spanish-language stars as they showcased Univision's exciting line-up. That's because we couldn't stop staring at the ceiling! It was breathtaking (see above).

glitter falling

party above, party below

seats cleared fast for the party upstairs

But after the presentation (which made me wish I could buy stock in soccer anything - wait, can I?) I realized why this upfront, unlike other upfronts, was held after office hours at night. That's because it was A PARTY. There was an open bar, sinful Mexican feast and a giant club room. The music was thumping, tiny spheres of neon light spun around the room and women slithered to Madonna's Like a Virgin. God I love Univision.


Dayna Wittman and Kathleen Wheeler-Strong: Putting the vision in Univision!

Tom Hanks gets it!

William Shatner's dogs want to eat mine

2011-07-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

Every time I walk my greyhounds in the hills of Studio City, there's one house that stresses my dogs out. Forget the mailbox outside painted with dainty flowers - inside the fence lurks two beasts.

Two muscular and roaring red dobermans (with unnecessarily clipped ears, might I add) tear at the fence, foaming at the mouth and fantasizing about making mincemeat of my beloved. One of my dogs whimper, the other looks at them quizzically as if to say, "Is that necessary?"

Who was this neighbor, with their pretty flowered mailbox and alternately murderous dogs? No other than William Shatner. According to couple across the street, "Bill" said those attack dogs were necessary in scaring off Star Trek crazies. But wasn't that back in the 70's, when the above photo was taken? And it gets more weird. Apparently there's a song out there titled William Shatner's Dog.

Opera a la Richard

2011-07-11T20:55:00.000-07:00

Richard Sheldon, not to be outshone by costumed audience members

The nouveau riche brag about visiting the opera, while people from "old money" never feel the need to. The nouveau riche are also unfamiliar with operettas, the comedic, quick-paced operas that the old guard still enjoy. The nouveau riche who have heard of operettas still avoid it, as they're afraid to openly enjoy something less stuffy.

gala among the evergreens

While I fall into neither category, I must say that one of the perks of living in Los Angeles is that we have Richard Sheldon. Thanks to this Gilbert and Sullivan scholar, we can take in hilarious, unforgettable operettas via Opera a la Carte. For over 40 years, this Brit has tickled us with his dry wit and vibrant productions. When he steps on stage for his usual non-starring yet vital role (such as The Mikado), his presence silently demands awe and reverence.

perusing the silent auction

Opera a la Carte had a fundraiser a while back, and the ingenuity of the performers shone through not only in the show, but the little things. They had a hand in the table decor (taxidermized pirhanas!) and silent auction contributions.

taxidermized pirhana centerpiece

The food was scrumptious, the Gilbert and Sullivan revue hilarious, the late and great Jill Clayburgh graced us with her presence and the twinkling outdoor set-up was nothing short of magical. If you'd like to take in a show or be a Savoy Society member/sponsor, click here.

breathtaking evening

Highbrow Eyebrows

2011-07-10T01:33:00.000-07:00

Vanessa Ceballos - artist and magician

Your eyebrows say a lot about you. If they're unruly you are most likely a quitter who prefers shapeless clothing and if they're plucked into skinny rainbows, you most likely have gang connections.

But one thing is true across the board - well-kept brows frame your face and make you look polished. Well-kept girls everywhere know this, which explains why Anastasia was catapulted into fame as the queen of brows. For years she has shaped the brows of A-listers in her L.A. salon, which naturally led to coverage in magazines, her own line of products and 'brow studios' opening around the country.

But careers gals like me can't wait for the globetrotting Anastasia to return to town. In Los Angeles, we are lucky to be able to pop over to the L.A. brow studio to see Vanessa Ceballos. Anastasia personally trained her, traveled with her and works alongside her. And best of all, Vanessa made me hot.

a fancier version of me

She wouldn't just wax my brows. She refused to settle for less than 100%. She tinted my brows to match my new summer highlights, she tweezed tricky corners and filled in sparse areas with an array of high-end cosmetics. Did I mention she was a make-up artist too? She's done Nicky Hilton, Kim Kardashian - the whole lot. And beauty isn't the only reason the stars flock to her. The posh decor and friendly service is impeccable. Alyssa Cole, the sexy, smiling redhead who runs the front gives the place class.

When Vanessa held a mirror up to my face, I felt like a new woman. Vanessa's services didn't cost much, but I looked...expensive. If my car can't trick other Angelenos into thinking I'm wealthy, at least my face can!

Cecconi's - not Madonna's brother's restaurant!

2011-07-09T12:17:00.000-07:00

Rebecca Bauwens & I - happy campers

Finally I've gotten a taste of this Robertson Blvd hideaway - the place has taunted me for years. And not just because of the urban legend that says it's owned by Madonna's brother. Wrong spelling of the birth name, and besides, he's too busy being Madonna's brother for any press that will listen. Though his official website would have you think he's doing "this."

But I digress. The place was heaven. I'll let the pictures tell the story, but the moral of the story is: eat at Cecconi's.

Employees in cardigans to match the upholstery

tuna tartare (with mint & chilis!) made fresh at our table

hand-served from a copper pot

Crab meat ravioli with saffron

creamy tiramusu

cherry gelato profiteroles with chocolate sauce - a must order

Cougars and Co.

2011-06-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Robinson, the O.G. Cougar

I am all about single women in their sexual prime having some fun, so when Cougars and Co., the website that allows middle-aged women to troll for the affections of virile young men (both at their sexual peak - how perfect!) I thought it was great.

That is, until I clicked on the site. If cougars are supposed to be middle-aged hotties, what are 30 year-olds doing on the site? If you are educated and come from a well-to-do family, chances are that's about marrying age in our society. Jeez, let us bang out a few kids first before we earn the Cougar title.

If these pricks are calling girls cougars at 30, then the age for consensual sex should change from 18 to...12? Like Cher says in Clueless, "This is California, not Kentucky!" Don't give pedophiles any more of a reason to wave their freak flag - the Internet is doing a scary enough job as it is.Shame on you.

Pearl Media's Lexus Party

2011-06-25T01:28:00.000-07:00

The first Academy Awards was held in this room

I may not drive a Lexus, but at the party thrown by Pearl Media, there was a lot more than car talk happening. Amidst the open bar and spread of gourmet mini cupcakes poolside at The Roosevelt, you could hear a collective gasp. Finally I was going to witness a 3D light show on a building.

I have seen one too many forwards of these breathtaking events (mostly from Europe) not to feel left out. This party did not disappoint. Against the night skies, the historic hotel looked like it was crumbling, then it was awash with Fanstasia psychedelics, sections of the building popped in and out and of course, the buttercup yelllow Lexus zoomed across the surface. The crowd cheered.

Even if I did sigh a little when the valet pulled up in my Toyota...good times.

Amanda Brems, chillin' poolside

Northridge: More that just the epicenter of the '94 earthquake

2011-06-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

When most of us think of Northridge, we remember "the big one" in '94. I was still in high school, but all of us on the East Coast were rocked by images of smashed freeway bridges, trapped cars, and Angelenos grilling their entire food supply for the neighborhood because the power was out. It was before Kurt Cobain died, and until that game-changer, this quake was big news.

I half expect the earth to open and swallow me whole when I visit Northridge. Recently I discovered the strong Asian community out there (Korean, Chinese, Japanese, etc.) and the cornucopia of authentic restaurants that go with it. I'm a sucker for both Korean BBQ and bento boxes. Well, bento boxes as long as they don't come with that cheap sushi special that pushes the rice/salad/California roll option.

If you feel like enjoying Korean BBQ without the traffic, impossible parking and attitude of Koreatown, head to Northridge. We scored these unbelievable Korean bento box deals in a grocery store called Galleria, which is so hardcore, it's showcased on Yelp. While there, pick up some nori and kimchee at the store to make it even more worth the drive. To this highly-uninformed East-Coaster, the knowledge of the previous quake and the possibility of a second hit (admittedly not likely) make it all the more thrilling.

Have a Nice Drai!

2011-06-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

Drai's in Hollywood not only has a rep for being celeb party central, but the photo gallery is filled with so many gorgeous twenty-somethings in up-to-the-minute fashion, it's enough to keep me home to curl up with Crown Royal and my Sex and the City box set. Who has time to look that beautiful? And please don't tell me they were born that way. It would kill me.

But Time Warner was kicking off their Summertime is Cabletime party at Drai's, which always rings in the summer for me. It's like Media Memorial Day. How could I resist?

The place was awash with airy white cabanas with beds, Moroccan lamps and the clamored-for view of Hollywood: from above. Servers passed around sparkling cranberry cocktails, Kobe sliders and mini cupcakes. A bunch of the the Lakers showed up, including Rick Fox with Eliza Dushku. Joey Lawrence was there with his fancy eyebrows, along with a few reality stars.

Bliss Spa employees milled about, giving hand massages with their scented lotion. Everyone walked away with a bottle to keep. They set up a back massage area amidst candlelit lounges. Vintage-style synchronized swimmers in flowered caps slipped into the sparkling blue water to do a few numbers. Ray-Ban was on hand with mirrors and a selection of sunglasses. People sampled and walked away with their favorite pair, in addition to gift bags filled with treats, such as aluminum water bottles, kitchen wares from The Food Network, Vitamin Water and swag from The History Channel.

It was a great time. Right up there with my Crown Royal and Sex and the City box set.

Seriously?

2011-06-14T02:16:00.000-07:00

Note to drunk girls everywhere: When the bartenders refuse to pour, the harsh lighting flicks on and patrons file out, it's time to go home.

Some people were annoyed, but I felt for her. Even as I secretly filmed her to exploit her image on my blog, I wanted to take her home, make her hot cocoa and recommend she move to Eastern Europe.

Tabloids

2011-06-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

OK! magazine's Body and Soul at the Beach event

I once offered my friend Sandra an issue of Star magazine, and her face contorted as if in mid-exorcism. "How can you support that garbage? It's awful how they treat actors!" With my tail between my legs, I adopted her attitude. Sunny wasn't rich & famous, but she aligned with them; she was in their corner. I wanted that to be my corner too, so I fancied myself among the elite who were concerned about the public caring too much about their personal life. For a while it worked. I wouldn't even glance at Star in the check-out aisle at the grocery store. Instead I would judge the person in front of me, based on what groceries they picked.

with TMZ's Harvey Levin

But times have changed. I met TMZ's Harvey Levin. He has moral rectitude and refuses to post smut - even if it would mean a cash windfall. He refused to post the video of David Hasselhoff drunk and eating a burger, because he felt it was a cry of help from his daughter. He had the photos of Michael Phelps doing bong hits 3 months before it went viral, but never posted it. Instead, he placed it on his office wall and showed his employees what not to post. He felt Michael Phelps was set up by people he trusted and didn't think it appropriate to smash his hard-earned Olympic reputation over some pot. His team has discovered public court documents about certain children of celebrities, but instead of banking on the gossip, he he'll call their family lawyer to have it rightfully made confidential.

with reality star Whitney Port

I don't read the National Enquirer or any of the non-glossies. Nothing that focuses on redneck alien abductions, zooms in on cellulite or outright lies. Sadly, the coverage has moved from glamorous movie stars to reality TV personalities. With redneck pregnant teens and dozens of emotionally unbalanced, gold-digging "housewives" in multiple cities, my interest has waned. Considerably. So when I pick up a used copy of US Weekly, there's no self-loathing. I still adore the red carpet gowns and bon mots from stars who still have a sense of humor. Admittedly, A-list inbreeding is interesting, not to mention all the new L.A. restaurants I've uncovered while flipping through the pages. Not to worry, I still love books and am currently reading through Thackeray's Vanity Fair. The social climbing and backstabbing in Thackeray's novel are not unlike what today's reality stars do to maintain fame.

Our yogi. Yea, I know. Seriously.

So when I went to OK! magazine's Body and Soul on the Beach event, I didn't have mixed feelings. I showed up at Santa Monica's gorgeous Casa Del Mar hotel and took beachside workout classes. Celeb trainer (Heidi Klum, etc.) Andrea Orbeck kicked my butt seven ways 'til Sunday with her Supermodel Sculpt class. The ridiculously handsome Yogi Cameron (ex-model) taught yoga as the waves crashed behind us. We enjoyed OPI manicures from Bellacures, oxygen facials, massages and more. Our gift bags were loaded down with goodies by Sketchers, Smartwater, Murad eye cream, Honest Tea, Trainermat yoga mats, Venus Embrace razors, Supersmile teeth whitening system, Raisinets, The Body Perfect wash & lotion, Jenny Craig snacks, Boost-It! complexion boost, Zico coconut water, Kerstin Florian day creme, Sparitual polish & hand serum, Vitamin Water, OPI nail polish, Macadamia hair oil and more.

If my friend Sandra reads this, she may shake her head and say that I've sold out. But since OK! is British, it's a little classier, the stars show up for their parties because they don't print lies, and do they throw a mean party! Sandra can try to align with the elite her way, but my way is a lot more fun.

Another Fine Slab City Road Trip

2011-06-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Boulevard of Broken Dreams and Bad Costumes

2011-05-30T23:32:00.000-07:00

She thinks she's a glamourpuss. They think she's a sideshow. At least they're too kind to tell her the truth. Her campy delusion has made her one of the most iconic features on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Out-of-work actors, the jobless, even the homeless have stalked Hollywood Boulevard for years. Dressed as superheroes and movie stars, they charge tourists a buck to have them pose for pictures with them. It's their living.

And a hard living it is, as demonstrated by the bizarre and sometimes sad documentary, Confessions of a Superhero. Exposing the dark and lonely side of failed actors hustling on the Boulevard, these characters are becoming more and more disturbing. Blame it on the economy, but it looks like mental patients are rolling out of bed, pulling on a dirty Rite-Aid Halloween costume and bullying passersby. Some are drunk, some heckle and some get arrested for violence. There was a Pocahontas who has been referred to as Crackohontas. Batman was arrested once or twice for lashing out at tourists. If you plan on visiting, know that you're not legally entitled to pay for a photo with them. But if you don't, they might cut you.

...Just sayin'

2011-05-28T01:13:00.000-07:00

It wasn't me - I found this billboard.

And for the record, I'd be pissed if my espresso machine busted too. She calls it a "cappuccino maker" - so 80's.

Class All the Way

2011-05-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

"Fifty dollars for a movie ticket?!?!"

That may be your first reaction when hearing about Gold Class Cinemas, the all-new movie theatre experience. Being someone who would rather park and walk two blocks than fork over $15 for a valet, I would naturally steer clear from the "It's like flying first class in a movie theatre" gimmick. But opportunity came knocking, and even though my friend Dawn and I had to sit through a Twilight movie, I took it.

It was worth every penny.

First of all, it's not the movie you're paying for, but the all-round experience:

- Free drinks in the uber-trendy lounge (90 wines and draft beers, including Chimay!)

- Free hors d'oeuvres in the lounge (lobster, goat cheese stuffed tomatoes, etc.)

- A host carrying your cocktails to your reserved seat on a tray. They don't want you to be troubled with the hassle of balancing your drink en route.

- Giant, plush reclining seats and wide walking lanes so you're not stepping over people.

- Staff brings you blankets and pillows

- Huge side compartment to place shopping bags, purses, etc.

- A silent button is on your table; press it and get an instant response from the staff. More beer, please!

- Dinner: Seared tuna spring roll, Kobe beef sliders, Asian ginger salad, and fried potatoes.

- Dessert: Chocolate mousse trifle, cream puffs and chocolate covered strawberries

Did I mention the gift bags? Yea, you won’t be getting those but I received a cornucopia of goodies in mine, including Gran Turino on DVD, a facial from Aveda and more!

All I’m saying is, if I can love the experience while watching a torrid love triangle between a girl, a werewolf and a vampire, you can appreciate it too.

Seriously?

2011-05-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hollywood & Highland

I don't know what kind of "stuck in the 80's porn scene" freak created this mannequin, but having the San Andreas Fault run down the middle of your cleavage is not okay. This is, after all, what made Tori Spelling's bad boob job so infamous.

The Magic Castle

2011-05-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

The brilliant but ill-fated show Arrested Development helped shed some light on the world of magicians. Back in Houdini's day they may have been shrouded in mystery, but these days, it's pure cheese. Tuxedos and bunnies? Seriously?

One of my goals upon moving to Hollywood was getting into the Magic Castle, only because I couldn't. It was invitation-only. Their marketing scheme was very clever - make it seem exclusive, with invitation-only guests, mandatory black tie dress code, and touting a "secret society." It also helps to have an old mansion perched on a grassy knoll in the Hollywood Hills.

I'm not saying it wasn't a good time because it was. But with all the history surrounding the place, (Copperfield and others got their big start there), I would expect it to have an air of spookiness or intrigue. And even though the place was awash with red velvet curtains and stone walls, it had the generic magic kitsch that you'd find at a Chuck-E-Cheese show.

The front entrance is actually a gift shop, selling branded mugs and plastic magic wands for kids.
The magic word to get the secret library wall to spin open and grant you entry? "Open Sesame." Creative.
Instead of having photos on the walls of magicians past, they framed toy-like silver holograms. If changing your angle, smiling faces would turn to skulls and eyes would follow you. When I was kid collecting Lazer Blazer stickers, they did he same thing too.
Amateur magicians in jeans making mistakes and dripping sweat all over their deck of cards
Tuxedos, top hats, white gloves, bunnies, and girls getting sawed in half galore.

In a recent and desperate effort to make money in this economy, the Magic Castle has resorted to refusing entry for anyone who has not made reservations at their overpriced, in-house restaurant. It doesn't matter if you drop hundreds on cocktails at their various bars; eat you must. And if you don't get a ticket from the restaurant proving that you plopped down on a meal, the all-new "ticket checkers" will not allow you to take in the main magic show.

But just as I was about to write the place off as classless, a lady approached my friend Gina, who had broken the heel of her shoe. "Please come this way, Miss," she says. Filled with trepidation, we followed her, wondering if we were about to be cited for "drunk in public," as no doubt cash-strapped California would provide a kick-back to the Magic Castle for a scheme like that. Instead, she says to my friend, "What size shoe do you wear Ma'am?" Gina replied "Nine," and out of a shoebox the lady pulled out a brand new pair of designer shoes in just her size.

"Oh my gosh, do you guys have these in every size, just in case?"

"But of course."

"That's amazing."

"This is an exclusive club, Ma'am."

My friend promised to return the shoes and we headed back to join our party. Just as I was about to tell my friends that the place wasn't so bad after all, the lady stopped us and said, "Ma'am, please give us your credit card for collateral, in case you leave with our shoes."

...aaaaand we're back.

East Fifth Bliss at the Newport Beach Film Fest

2011-05-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

Woody Allen gave us the taste for cerebral movies shot in the Big Apple. But these days, satisfaction comes sporadically. Most New York comedies since the late nineties feature a gorgeous leading lady with an unrealistically glamorous job and more issues than Bangladesh. Think Katherine Heigl in...anything. Woody Allen made us yearn for something more textured and familiar.

Producer John Will

Enter East Fifth Bliss, which kicked off the 2011 Newport Beach Film Festival. Starring Peter Fonda, Michael C. Hall, Lucy Liu and Chris Messina, the well-written film was warmly received by the sold-out crowd. Michael C. Hall stars as Morris Bliss, an unemployed 30-something living at home with his widowed "Daddy." He plays a lost soul, and is a good listener as the neurotic characters whirl around him. Chris Messina plays a cash-strapped dreamer, but his fast wit and pleading eyes break your heart. Peter Fonda gives a nuanced performance as Morris' father, with a breakthrough scene that showcases a flash of that raw sensitivity he's known for.

Largest screen west of the Mississippi

But the scene stealer in this film was no doubt Morris' girlfriend Stephanie, played by Brie Larson. Capricious and unpredictable, I found myself holding my breath when she walked on screen. She was always on the verge of smashing the delicate house of cards that was Morris' life. Delicate as in land mine, not china doll.

I was thrilled at the opportunity to see this film before the general public did, but it won't be long until it gets picked up, premiered and blown out internationally. Let it be known that I sang its praises first!

Abusive!

2011-04-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

Just outside of Palm Springs, CA

Observing the Observatory

2011-04-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

Griffith Observatory is famous for being the backdrop of intense scenes in Rebel Without a Cause, starring James Dean and Natalie Wood. In fact, there's a memorial bust of Dean on the grounds. I've been inside to look through one of the great telescopes, but between the light pollution and the marine layer, the heavens resembled a dirty chalkboard. I love Griffith Park for the breathtaking hiking trails, the spooky secret garden of Dante's View and the resident coyote who always scans the view from the summit at sundown, searching for its dinner and oblivious to daily hikers.

stars above, stars belo

It had been a while since I'd been to the observatory. It underwent a renovation and has recently unveiled its new face. The changes can be seen from the flatlands of Los Angeles. The steeper barrier walls and spotlights make it loom larger on the horizon. We checked out the new displays and architecture. Aside from annoying zombie hipsters desperate for attention with their Halloween make-up and bumping into walls (no one cares), it was pretty cool. Enjoy the photos!

the view

like a vintage bakery box

inside display

Living Loaded Book Party

2011-04-14T23:27:00.000-07:00

I blame Woody Allen. I blame Candace Bushnell. Both have given me grandiose expectations for book parties. Woody Allen features cerebral neurotics in gorgeous library-type rooms; fireplaces, oak, leather ottomans and the standard European. Intellectual conversations abound over Beluga and scotch. Carrie Bradshaw's book party on Sex and the City was modern; everything crisp and white. Dance music, servers with canapes, splashy cocktails and the standard homosexual. Both depictions were enviable. Both were quite different than my first book party.

There were hush puppies. There were hot wings. They call him The Imbiber. He officially drinks for Playboy magazine. This dream job for every male is occupied by Dan Dunn, who can now call himself an author because he just released his book Living Loaded. The party wasn't what I had expected. The Playboy angle ensured there would be no Woody Allen-esque oak library, but surprisingly, there wasn't much plastic either. Where were the Ompa Loompa-skinned blondes with the big boobies?

It was mostly dudes and biker types; an older crowd in general. As mentioned, there were hot wings and hush puppies. There were also meatballs and hot sauces galore. Dan Dunn is co-owner of Baby Blues Barbecue in West Hollywood, which explains the venue and menu. Hey that rhymed. And I'm not complaining - hot wings are heaven. The free drinks also did not disappoint - nor could they afford to; him being "The Imbiber" and all. And I am talking top shelf liquor; Grey Goose, Maker's Mark, etc.

I was hoping some of the literary success would rub off on me by simply my being there, but the only after-effects appeared to be a hangover. Sigh.

Seriously?

2011-04-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

I cannot even begin to describe the ways in which this photo is inappropriate. And I'm pretty sure he's breaking the law in a few states. He may be a sloppy burger-eating, baywatching Angeleno now, but please remember he's from Germany people. GERMANY!!!

Back off, Housewives of Beverly Hills!

2011-03-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I take issue with douchebags tarnishing the image of fabulous places. First stop Jersey Shore, next stop everywhere. These days, people will film anything, endangering fabulousness everywhere.

I know a place in Beverly Hills that's in danger. It's called Villa Blanca, and it's class all the way. The stark white furnishings are crisp and modern. The menu adventurous. But the dark, intrepid hand of reality TV is creeping in on it, since Lisa Vanderpump (a.k.a. "Pinky"), a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, is a co-owner. Instead of being known for it's posh luxury or knockout Tuna Tartare with balsamic truffle glaze (!), it's known as a breeding ground for this mess. And yes, that was a little fluffy white dog. At the dining table.

you know the type

The place is already filled with workers that look like models. Our hosts looked like Brad Pitt and Zoe Saldana. Our server was the spitting image of Simon Rex. Plus the place is teeming with standard Beverly Hills clientele: middle-aged women with brassy blonde hair and plastic surgery that makes the bottom half of their face look like a plate mask. You know the look; fat-injected cheeks, swollen lips and Botox-induced rigor mortis. Now it's also filled with gawkers and hangers-on since it's affiliation with the reality show.

I am here to defend the fabulousness! Let it be known for their amazing Tuna Tartare, the captivating interior design, the Asian-Italian fusion and their fearlessness. Not only are they willing to serve unpretentious pub food such as fish and chips, but their prices are surprisingly fair.

My plate was so wonderful, I had to photograph it. Halibut over mushroom risotto with rock shrimp and a raspberry reduction. Viva La Villa Blanca!

Why I think "the big one" really IS coming...

2011-03-26T11:50:00.000-07:00

the supermoon over my neighborhood

Since moving to Los Angeles over a decade ago, countless people have raised their eyebrows at me and said, "The big one is coming." The "big one" meaning an earthquake. It may be hard to hear this after the tragedy in Japan, but they had a lilt in their voice as if almost excited.

I always took the claims about "the big one" with a grain of salt. This is because none of the prophets were seismologists. They were hairdressers, liquor store clerks and accountants. Besides, a series of small quakes also could happen, alleviating the pressure on the tectonic plates and stopping something dramatic from happening.

But something has changed, and for the first time, I'm anticipating "the big one."

The Ring of Fire is making a near perfect circle with seismic activity around the Pacific. Moving clockwise, the U.S. West Coast appears next in line, and seismologists agree.

Scientists are beginning to uncover evidence of solar flares being linked to seismic activity. Our sun has been lashing out in a most unpredictable manner. Per this video, you can see flashes in the sky (related to solar flares and magnetic fields) right before the Chilean earthquake. Coincidence? People around the world have reported flashes in the sky before an earthquake. It's a known phenomenon. But why all the solar flares and earthquakes now?

Scientists theorize that we could be in our 65 millionth year of orbit. It may take only 24 hours for earth to orbit the sun, but it takes 65 million years for our solar system to orbit our arm of the Milky Way. This can dramatically change earth's stability. Guess when the dinosaurs disappeared? 65 million years ago.

Everyone was sitting on pins and needles on March 19th, when the "supermoon" also happened to be a full moon. A supermoon (or perigee moon) is when the moon is much closer to the earth than usual, and is magnified in size and light. Not only was it closer to the earth than it has been in about 20 years, it also was a full moon. A full moon has all sorts of effects on the tides and earth's magnetic fields. We waited for the inevitable earthquake to trigger, but nothing happened.

Not yet anyway. Everyone predicts we're next in line and that "the big one" could happen within these few weeks, and it will be in the horrific 9 range on the Richter scale. We are watching for strange animal behavior, since that's been classically linked to upcoming earthquakes. After all, millions of disoriented sardines washed up in Redondo Beach, CA days before the Japan earthquake. Everyone is keeping their eyes on the skies for strange lights, and everyone is making plans.

Couples have meet-up plans in open areas should their phones die and freeways collapse. People are throwing sneakers in their cars in case they get stuck while driving in heels. They are stocking up on water and canned goods. Here's a helpful earthquake-preparedness site. Now, all we can do is wait.

The Roger Room

2011-03-21T00:34:00.000-07:00

How IS it that in a recession, when well-advertised businesses are struggling to get customers in the door, the Roger Room is packed?

This place is:

A) Relatively new (opened late 2009)

B) Has NO SIGN (they call it "speakeasy style")

C) Has NO WEBSITE

D) Serve expensive drinks ($14- $16)

E) Packed. Just utterly packed.

I was with good people, we enjoyed some old-fashioned cocktails and shared fine conversation. But really? A through E (list above) is killing me. Who are these people and how did they hear of it? Granted, I was one of them, but that was on a fluke. Trust.

Did the crowded bar demonstrate the desperation hipsters have to see and be seen at the newest thing? The New York Times reported that the owners call it the reverse of snobbery, with no celeb clientele. That is, unless you consider Cameron Diaz and Fiona Apple celebrities. And if it isn't pretentious, do please explain this: Dress code: Casual but distinct, with designer or vintage accessories.

Like I said, the place was great. But please, consider the list above (A through E) and explain.

...Anyone?

...Bueller?