Slap me and call me Susan!

with Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet

with Modern Family's Julie Bowen

I'm not name dropping, swears. Just setting this up, okay? People I've met Brittany Spears. I've gone to parties with Ron Jeremy. I've chilled on the famous orange couch in Central Perk on the set of Friends. But I cannot remember a time I was more gaga to meet someone as I was the other night, when a few cast members of Modern Family were at an ABC party I was at. 

My 12 year-old Macallan

A year ago while Fox was kicking butt seven ways till Sunday with Glee, ABC was quietly putting together the most hilarious, irreverent show since Arrested Development. Or maybe 30 Rock, because let's face it - Tina Fey is a deity.

It was a great party; warm night outside, gourmet food, open bar and really funny people.



My Big Fat Greek Homegirl - Nia Vardalos



luntics, tolerant servers and mind-blowing tastiness

sushi artists wouldn't even let me pour my own soy sauce

abusive dessert table

Wolfgang Puck's Chocolate Mousse Purse, French macaroons & cookies

with Giles Marini

with Doug Savant from Melrose Place and Desperate Housewives

Oprah's Last After Oscar Party

Katy Perry sings with those Staten Island brats with bad tee shirts

With the Oprah Winfrey Show closing shop this year on it's 25th anniversary, I attended her very last  After Oscar Party this week. Oprah may continue this tradition when she takes over her own network., which she (not surprisingly) titled The Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). No I will not put in a hyperlink for her - everyone knows.



Last year's Oscar stage

 Ahhh, Awards season. There's The Good: Free industry screenings galore. The Bad: Michael Bay continually believing he is deserving of a nomination. For anything. And The Ugly: The media faking cat fights between the Best Actress contenders in order to sell tabloids. They never do that to the male contenders. Women-hating is so Dostoevsky circa 1850, I mean really.

This year, Natalie Portman was a no-show along with Christian Bale, but there was Anne Hathaway, Melissa Leo, Geoffrey Rush, a surprise visit  from  Katy Perry and we were graced with the presence of the adorable Colin Firth. Sigh.....

Oscar aftermath

I attended this party last year as well. It was the last time Sandra Bullock publicly gushed over her husband Jesse James, telling us how she'd been waiting a long time for a cheeseburger, and how she was driving straight to her husband's Monster Garage workplace to eat some greasy food. We were excited to see Jeff "The Dude" Bridges too. 

Oscar aftermath

At the Kodak Theatre the day after,  the town seemed hung over. While the venue still glittered inside, the red carpet scene on the street was strewn with trash, orange cones and construction materials. The giant gold Oscar statue still loomed out front.

But the one thing at the party that stuck out in my mind was Oprah's head. It was big.

It's like, THIS big.

It's the end of the world as we know it....

And I feel fine. Well, a little cold. It snowed in Los Angeles yesterday! Our weather is so placid that even a strong gust of wind is deemed worthy of a Facebook status update. The buzz yesterday was wackier than post-earthquake buzz. No one can believe it. 

While Burbank got the snowier hit, us here in Studio City experienced angry little balls of hail. You'd better enjoy the video and pics - I physically suffered in order to capture the moment!

 

To give you an idea on the outrageousness of this weather pattern, check out these historical tidbits on snow in Los Angeles:

~  The last significant snow in downtown Los Angeles and Burbank was Jan. 9-11, 1949, when nearly a half of an inch and two-and-a-half inches were reported, respectively.

~   The most snow for downtown Los Angeles was 2 inches on Jan. 15, 1932.

Does this make my butt look big?

Fashion lovers, don't say I didn't warn you! LACMA's Fashioning Fashion exhibit flies the coop next month, so take it in before it's too late. It's much like the zeitgeist Costume Institute exhibit in New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art, except that the exhibit doesn't go beyond the 1920's. 

jazz era goods I'd wear

In the beginning, viewers walk through plain white ensembles, so visitors can focus the evolution of cut and style without being distracted by textiles and accessories. Then you round the corner and BOOM! Colors and textures in full bloom, from Moulin Rouge-like Parisian hooker get-ups a la Toulouse Loutrec to the craziness of Marie Antionette styles of the late 1700's.

dressed for the occasion!

Wham Bam Thank You Grammys

When Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes, the stars were uncomfortable. They shifted in their seats and faked for the camera. While Americans were nearly choking from laughter from the comfort of their own homes, the pampered stars sat stone-faced as Gervais poked fun at "certain gay celebrity Scientologists" and the Special Effects award not being given to the airbrush artists for the Sex and the City II posters. It was clear that celebrities are so used to their handlers flattering them and protecting them from the truth, that the jokes literally shocked them. I even felt a little bad for them.

Perhaps that's why everything was so posh backstage at the Grammys - the decadence was there to soothe the bruised egos milling about. Not to mention the calming effect it has on the hip hop crowds who are notorious for wreaking havoc at the BET Awards.

Anyway, here were just a few of the many backstage perks. All of which I took full advantage of, since I have no handlers shielding me from the world that sends unfiltered reminders of how much I suck.

gourmet food galore

Posh interview/reception areas

The area where Bobby Brown almost ran me over with a baby stroller

Bodycology gift bags

roadie paradise

Free backstage "Liz Lemon Massages" for all

Mozza Love



Mario Batali



In celebration of Valentine's Day, I'm giving some love to what I have no doubt is one of THE hardest date spots to get into in Los Angeles - tonight and every night. Osteria Mozza!

Thanks to celeb chef Mario Batali, this hotspot (shared by Pizzeria Mozza next door) is filled with two things that make the place impossible to get into - great food and celebrities. You have to book months in advance, but it's worth it.

Psst - they just opened up on Open Table to make our lives easier...or stop their phones from ringing. 

After all, how often do you get to say that you ate barracuda?



Barracuda. More than just a Heart song.

You with me?

Speaking of barracudas, L.A. mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (ew.) was seated next to us. While his table chatted politely, he spoke into his phone the whole time, holding the device sideways against his mouth. Naturally, I opened up my phone and imitated him. But unlike him, I was actually speaking to my gorgeous tablemates. Why couldn't we be seated next to William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman, who were so adorable on their little date?  

Back to the food. Sigh. These photos should say it all. If you'd like to take your sweetie to Mozza next Valentine's Day, book a table. Like, now.  

quail

Whether pretending to be uber-romantic for 24 hours on this high-pressure day and overpaying on the fixe prixe menu, or home with a tub of Chunky Monkey and Netflix - have a great night!

One celeb overdose, and your hotel is golden!

When I first moved to Los Angeles, The Roosevelt Hotel was floundering. A relic from the golden age of Hollywood, it was simply known as the hotel where Marilyn Monroe's ghost was said to roam the halls. And even then people knew it was a ploy to book hotel rooms.

Lilo's birthday at Teddy's

A couple of Lindsay Lohan overdoses later, and it's nearly impossible to get into Teddy's, one of her signature nightclubs. The lines outside suggest young tabloid addicts, desperate to catch a glimpse of young Hollywood behaving badly. Perhaps their panting wasn't at fan-crazed excitement as it was their corsets cutting off their air supply.

Either way, we weren't about to wait in line for a hour, only to be judged by miserable people with crappy jobs (a.k.a. the "door bitch") to decide whether or not we were hot enough to get in. I would argue that intelligence and conversational skills are vital to a social scene, but they always ensure that the music is too loud for that. My friends did the "I never wait in line!" line, but maybe they just harbored the same fear as I did; "What if I don't get picked?"

Months later, I get invited to the Roosevelt for a Christmas party. While much deeper things in life give me a sense of validation, I would be lying if I didn't admit to the faintest whiff of satisfaction. It was a great meal and fine holiday fun. Sure, the interior was vintage - but not mind-blowing. I was interested in The Roosevelt the way men are interested in women; intrigued because I couldn't get in and bored after conquering it.