Now THAT'S a Party

Los Angeles is the perfect town to throw a party. Unlike the cloistered labyrinth of New York City, it's harder to annoy our neighbors. We have the privacy of mountain roads and quiet canyons. On the edge of our continent sit rows of bungalows set against the deafening crash of the surf, allowing us make like Elvis Costello and Pump It Up.

I missed the party where Matthew McConaughey apparently played a game of naked all-male Twister, the one (and I suspect one of many) where Winona Ryder got loopy and broke into hysterics and the oft-whispered of party when P-Diddy was allegedly caught in a compromising position with another guy in a hotel bedroom at a raucous party on the Sunset Strip. I'm not one to start rumors, but I was about one or two people removed from seeing the shenanigans myself, and that annoys me.

For all of you out there hearing the crazy rumors from parties you missed, be it a Greek mixer or abusive office party, you can always get a peek into the sick shindigs you missed (or glad you missed) on Now That's a Motherfucking Party.

Hollywood-Inspired Roadtrip #2 - The Amityville Horror House!

Whether or not you believe the Lutz family's claims of hauntings and paranormal activity in their Amityville home (allegations that inspired the Amityville Horror film), one cannot deny that the place holds a sordid place in American history.

Before the Lutz family moved in, the Dutch Colonial home sat vacant for 18 months. Why? Six members of the DeFeo family were slain in their beds when they occupied the house beforehand. People claim that the Lutz family lied about the house's alleged haunting, but one cannot overlook the fact that they hightailed it out of that place just 28 days after moving in. Anyone who knows what a pain moving is can tell you that's a sure sign there was some funny business going on.

My friends and I drove to the Amityville house one night. I was saddened to see they replaced the iconic fan-shaped windows that seemed like eyes staring out. I suppose when they made that house habitable again those windows would be the first thing to go. Then it was painted white, among other minor tweaks. But the bones are still the same.

When trying to leave the neighborhood, we got lost in the winding streets and drove in circles for a couples of minutes. For the sake of adventure, we really looked into it.

Hollywood-Inspired Roadtrip: Grey Gardens!

Before Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange danced their way into our hearts with their Tea for Two number, there was the real thing. Grey Gardens was a documentary that inspired shock and awe in me. How these East Hampton ladies of high society could degenerate into a reclusive life of squalor was beyond me.

I had to see Grey Gardens for myself. During my last visit to New York City, I rented a car and sped the length of Long Island to get to the once-delapidated mansion that Jackie O. & Co. cleaned up before it was condemned. Not surprisingly, the facade was blocked off with high gates and security cameras because of jerks like me. But for the savvy book-readers and documentarians of the world, it is well-known that one can go to the beach, climb a sand dune and get a great shot of the backyard, which I did.

Trendy L.A. neighborhood is for the birds

If Los Angeles were one big high school, and everyone wanted to do something because "all the cool kids were doing it," the cool kids would be the celebrities. We get their haircuts, copy their outfits and, at one point in history, have all said, "That's HOT," because Paris Hilton did. We all may be ashamed to admit this, but at the time, she was head cheerleader in this circus.

According to the tabloids, all the cool kids are moving to the "the birds" above Sunset Boulevard in the hills, particularly a street called Blue Jay Way. "The birds" are a collection of streets clustered at the top of the hills, with sweeping views from the ocean to the Los Angeles basin. Some street names include Oriole, Nightingale and Swallow. All the tabloids feature spreads with aerial views, claiming that young Hollywood has built their nest on the bird streets. Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Aniston and Keanu Reeves all have homes there. What's more, is that George Harrison wrote a song about the street. Below is a photo of the house he stayed in for a little while on Blue Jay Way.

I was stoked to take the greyhounds on a nice hike, especially with the jutting, hard-to-climb hills. Much of the time we were out of breath and felt on top of the world, physically. I could see everything, including a dark grey tumble of clouds sweeping over Catalina Island and towards our shores. Blue Jay Way was up so high, one can predict weather patterns! But I was floored by how crappy the homes were. You know the types. Small ranchers from the 60's with low-slung roofs covered in pebbles. Driveways lined with cinder block walls painted white. Yeech. Sure, George Harrison's old pad (pictured above) had a pool, but otherwise it's a place where architecture goes to die. That place needed a pool to distract the owners from how depressing it was.

I think what sold the residents were the views. No doubt the real estate ads showed amazing nighttime shots like this realtor's photo I found:

With heights like this, Leo, among his other neighbors, could feel like "King of the World!!!!"

In Defense of the Jersey Shore

No, not the Jersey Shore that was stolen by Snooki and The Situation. My Jersey Shore doesn't involve flammable hair or clothing.

Not only has that crew taken Italians another 50 years back, but they detract from a classic American retreat. One of the best things about L.A. is getting out of L.A. and the Jersey Shore has always been a warm respite every July. We rent a house right on the water, and the days are filled with summer reading on the beach, fresh tomatoes from the Garden State's many roadside stands, late breakfasts, volleyball, coconut-scented sun tan lotion, body surfing and grilling dinner on the deck. It's Ralph Lauren, not Baby Phat. Hamptons not Hooters. And I have posted pictures to prove it. So there.

Another round of Danny DeVito's Limoncello!

Much ado was made of Danny DeVito's drunken antics when he appeared sloshed on The View. The thing that made it not a scandal was that he admitted it and laughed about it, challenging anyone to get puritanical on him. I think that's the way to go about scandals. At least the ones that don't involve bringing someone down. Just say, "Yea, so?" Round and lovable, he talked about having seven shots of his limoncello on TV, which I thought was homemade. He is Italian after all.

Recently I went to a party to kick off the summer cable season, and Danny Devito was there celebrating his hit It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. When toasting to the show and upcoming season, I noticed the wait staff pouring drinks from chilled DeVito bottles, and it was then that I realized his limoncello is available in stores.

The party was held at the much-hyped spot My House in Hollywood. Much like Pink's hot dogs, there's always a line wrapped around it promising the ultimate experience, as long as you're willing to wait. I knew it was a club designed like a uber-chic home with dark gold lighting, black leather and modern wood paneling. It even has a bedroom! It was a great night in a great spot (mashed potato bar, anyone?) and best of all, DeVito was just as round and lovable in real life.

Killers Movie Release Pool Party

Just because no movie could stand up to the monolith known as Shrek, doesn't mean they can't have fun opening weekend! Killers, starring Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl came out this month, and instead of vying for a box office victory - which would mean strangling a menacing ogre - Lionsgate (with a successful, albeit dark winter with the hit Precious) used this movie to lighten up and kick off summer!

Coast to coast, they threw pool parties to celebrate opening weekend. Here in Los Angeles, the pool party was thrown at the exclusive new penthouse atop the historic Hollywood Tower - the new home for 98.7 - a.k.a. KYSR-FM, the Rockaholic station!

I got there early to check out the place beforehand, and it was a great setup. Very boutique hotel chic.

People started filing in, and lip-smacking La Poblana Mexican fare began sizzling on the grill. Boys were doing cannonballs in the pool, and bikini-clad hotties played chicken on the shoulders of tattooed band guys. Killers beach balls were tossed in the air, damp Killers beach towels laid atop ergonomic lounge chairs and attention whores were being inappropriate in the hot tub. It was awesome.

While the DJs spun tunes and the liquor flowed, KYSR-FM DJs took turns escorting small groups of us from the pool to the top floor of the Hollywood Towers to see the Penthouse.

This place was complete with rock star art, sexy furniture and a vast outdoor area that included a life-size chess board. As we darted from room to room and courtyard to courtyard, red plastic cups in hand and enjoying the sunset, we thought to ourselves, "Summer is officially here." Killers, much like the pool party and summer itself, is flirty, light and fun. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to enjoy my summer...