Seriously?

Trashy Lingerie, Los Angeles

Gentlemen, you do know that this never happens in real life...right?

To set the record straight. girls NEVER:

- Have pillow fights in lingerie

- Kiss one another, unless it's for shock value (Madonna & Brittany Spears), album sales (Katy Perry) or to get guys to like us (COLLEGE)

- EVER want to have a threesome, unless it's two guys, one girl

- fart

The Great Lesbian Letdown

I was pretty excited to experience Panty Night at Girl Bar in West Hollywood. Bundles of new panties were to be tossed into the crowd. I thought that new undergarments might help me recoup the cost of my overpriced cocktails. In a perfect world I'd score something campy from Trashy Lingerie, but lesbians aren't known for Little Bo Peep-themed corsets.

Maybe I'd score something sensible. But who would toss Hanes into a West Hollywood crowd? When the disco (yes, disco) started, slender girls traipsed atop the bar in Halloween Slut cop gear. I was taken aback by how much the lesbian idea of sexy parallels the hetero male version. Not that I expected chicks to stomp out in overalls and toss out organic seed packs, but I was disappointed to know that the idea of sexy seemed to be the same across the board.

That's my Great Lesbian Letdown; it would seem that no matter what the sexual preference is, all women  are doomed to life without love (or at least sex) unless they commit to binding clothing, low-carb diets and stiletto heels. We can't catch a break, even at Girl Bar.