Only in Los Angeles will I be enjoying an American Classic like Troop Beverly Hills, and see...my landlord. People, I am living in the home of The Dictator's Wife!
Oh damn you thugs and your wily ways! As if you weren't annoying enough for stealing money from people with jobs. You have to steal their tacos too?
Tonight, I had to put my hand in a trashcan for you. That's right, thugs. At King Taco, when they called my order, they would not give me my food. Why, you ask? Because I did not present my ticket with the order number. "But it's...me," I said, "Remember me? I just ordered." And they said, "Yes, but so many people steal tacos from paying customers by hanging out by the order window, that we need to have all ticket stubs returned to us for our records."
"They steal tacos too?"
"Yes, even tacos."
"But the people with the tickets are also standing by the order window. Can't they flash their stub and take their own food?"
"No, the people who stole their tacos were gangsters. No one wants to mess with them."
"But...I stuck my stub in the trash 20 minutes ago. People have been dumping in their dirty trays after it."
"I'm so sorry. Since you already paid, I'd dig in the trash."
So what did I do, thugs? I dug in the trash. It was slimy and smelled like salsa and swine. I needed to wash my hands before I ate. But guess what, thugs? The bathroom was out of order, because you vandalized it.
Please get jobs, thugs.
They say New York City starts the trends which then trickle over to L.A. This was certainly the case with cupcakes. Magnolia Bakery in Manhattan had such a following that it was featured in Sex and the City, and showcased in the "Special Features" section of the box set. Then in 2010, Magnolia Bakery set up shop on 3rd St. in Los Angeles.
Not to mention the countless cupcakeries that have popped up all over LaLa Land. Yummy Cupcakes has the most exquisite batter and frosting, Cupcakes Couture have an outstanding presentation and Suzie Cakes stands apart because their cupcakes have homemade filling. We've become so advanced, that I recently enjoyed a bacon & peanut butter cupcake with banana frosting. No, seriously.
But I must give a shout out to the newest innovators of cupcakedom, the B Sweet Cupcake Bar. They come to your party and build a cupcake bar. With homemade cake batter like beer-flavored, frostings like peppermint and toppings such as coconut and Reece's Pieces, they are abusively onto something. It was a real treat, and if you're throwing a party in Los Angeles, they are a must.
Yes, Los Angeles invented road rage. But if you want to test your luck by riding a motorcyle in this town, you may want to reconsider the amount of rear-view mirrors you have: 13