Love in the Dumps

There's a bulimic at my gym that does a vomit-steamroom-shower routine before dressing and going to work. I know a guy who has such a complex about being chubby when he was a kid, that his self-loathing allows him to only date rail-thin girls and will dump them if they gain so much as five pounds.

What do these two people have in common? Aside from being a perfect match, these individuals hide their neuroses. At the latest Ashton Kutcher-owned Dolce Group bar or club, they appear polished and lively, laughing with their head thrown back; they even have a custom strut. It isn't until months into the relationship that their mates realize what issues they have. False advertising has caused these people to waste precious time in finding someone who isn't crazy in Los Angeles.

Enter Love in the Dumps. This dating website is dedicated to honest and truly screwed up people. They don't choose their best pictures from when they were 20 pounds lighter and ten years younger. And right up front, they will tell you what meds they're on, how many cats they own and anything else you need to know before taking the plunge.

And perhaps these people aren't as neurotic and troubled as they seem. For starters, they're honest and too moral to waste someone's time by pretending to be someone they aren't. Plus, admitting faults is the first step toward recovery, isn't it? Not that I would know, because I'm perfect.


Taco Heaven

I once cut a quote out of an old Glamour magazine and stuck it to my fridge. It read, "No matter where you are, you're never that far from a taco." I found this sublimely comforting.

I assumed I'd be in taco heaven when I moved to L.A. But there was a lot of trial and error. There's an old adage that declared shabbier taco joints as being more authentic and tasty. But trust me, some are cheaper for a reason. Low quality meat, laziness in seasoning and not-so-fresh salsa bring a lot of these places down.

For all you Angelenos who take comfort in Mexican food like Elvis did with peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwiches, here are the best of the best:

Best Bean and Cheese Burritos:
Los Tacos in West Hollywood on Santa Monica Boulevard

Best Everything:
La Fogata on Van Nuys Blvd

Best Carne Asada Tacos:
Benito's (multiple locations and...free guacamole!)

Best Carnitas:
Tortas Mexico on Ventura Blvd

Best Trendy But Still Delicious Tacos:
Pink Taco in Westwood & Velvet Margarita Cantina in Hollywood

This took years and years of research people, so throw on your bibs and get to town. I must also pay respect to a fellow taco lover, L.A. Taco

God bless you, L.A. Taco. Saving me hundreds of dollars in dry tamales and tacos shamefully stuffed with shredded yellow cheese, my calories will be spent on quality, not science projects.


Sorry I Missed Your Party

Blame it on the recession, but even the US Weekly annual Hot Young Hollywood party was pared down this year. My friends reported that the place was smaller, the spread meager, and no gift bags. Worst of all, there was not one Lindsay or Paris in sight. Let's be honest; partying with trainwrecks is more fun, and none of the attendees had been arrested, knocked up or in rehab.

At least they walked away with a belly full of free booze. And if we really want to look on the bright side, at least it wasn't the party pictured (above). Whenever you walk away from a party feeling like dressing up for that night out was more fun than the event itself, you can always feel better by visiting Sorry I Missed Your Party.


Happy New Year Lost Angeles!

Welcome to 2010, Los Angeles. Let's make some resolutions that will truly make Los Angeles a place where only 50% of the world make fun of us, as opposed to 80%.

Great 2010 Resolutions

#1) Let us stop trying to go back to the dark ages when it comes to "going green." Please. It's 2010. Man can reign over nature while still respecting it. If it weren't for irrigation, this place would look like Death Valley, for God's sake. Let's build a desalinization plant and bring fresh water inland. No need to ration and install AstroTurf; 2/3 of this planet is water.

#2) Please boycott pseudo-celebrities and fame leeches like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. I realize that even mentioning them gives them added publicity, but they are tools.

#3) Please work it out with public transportation. No, not the buses that chug along to make a 2 mile route last 40 minutes. I'm talking the fast kind - the underground subway. You made them durable, sleek and able to withhold an earthquake that would hit 12 on the Richter scale. But then you only built, like, 5 stations. More, please!

#4) Stop creating editorial that denounces Uggs as "out." For the love of all things comfortable, they are one of the only forms of footwear that won't force us to require the services of a podiatrist later in life. It's like walking on a cloud. And I happen to think they're sexy, like a cozy snow bunny tramp on the slopes of Aspen, waiting for you by the fire with hot cocoa spiked with creme de cacao & Spanish fly.

5) Kill the entry fees to your bars and clubs. Seriously. The outdoor lines promise grandeur, but it's exposed as a markeing technique once we go inside and find it boring. People need something beyond a celebrity sighting and the drinks cost enough as it is.