People that say they hate the French have never been to France

A couple of pet peeves of mine are people who make fun of L.A.'s "Valley" because they hear other people do it, even though they know nothing about it. The same goes for the French. Some people say that they hate the French because they hear other people say that they hate the French, although neither knows anything about the subject. They're parroting, and it's funny when you call them out on it. They stumble, and say things like, "Oh, um, well, they think their country is the best and they don't like us." Apparently, only Americans can do that.

It's time people replace ignorance with experience. They should go to France, home of lingerie, cafes, ballet, and other wonderful things that end with "ay." Luckily, Paris scooted a little closer to us with Le Grand Fooding CRUSH Paris-L.A. 2013. At the MOCA downtown, famed L.A. Chefs prepared small plates beside French chefs, slinging out their own specialties. La Brea Bakery founder Nancy Silverton (of Mozza, Campanile, etc.) personally drizzled balsamic glaze over our Grilled Beef Tagliata. We licked the plates handed to us by Inaki Aizpitarte, which were dripping in brown butter and fresh herbs. We wandered under the stars carrying little plates of heaven. It was impeccable. Did I mention the tower of Veuve Clicquot?

The MOCA exhibit was open as well
Perhaps the merging of these two great cities can be an ice-breaker for the knuckle-draggers still grunting that they hate the French. The ones who still laugh at L.A.'s "Valley," as if they aren't holed up in a tenement on an ugly stretch of Pico. At this L.A. event, the Parisians came out in droves, wearing scarves and shaggier hair, marveling at our beautiful weather. They were lovely and so was the food. This gives me hope that we can covert some local dumb-dumbs yet!

Air Sex World Championships

I once thought air guitar would die with Wayne and Garth. Then along came Guitar Hero. Okay, fine, whatever. But air sex?

Air sex is the ultimate example of the decadence of our society, and I'm talking Roman Empire decadence. I  mean, it's...people, like, screwing air. And competing against one another using every trick in the book. Pyrotechnics, themed costumes, chainsaws, etc.

And they had a World Championship competition here in Los Angeles. 

...There are no words.


And if Gwenyth Paltrow was jumping off a bridge...

Years ago, there was an article in InStyle magazine about Gwenyth Paltrow's favorite haunts in L.A. She spoke to how everyone considers her a New Yorker, but that her childhood was spent in Los Angeles. Apparently she loves beer and a good taco. Glutens and all. Who knew?

Well, I was new in L.A. at the time and decided to check out her favorite haunts. The used bookstore she loved? It was really good. Katsuya (the original on Ventura) was indeed the best sushi I've had in Los Angeles. It took me a while to get around to trying Chaya, though. It was a macrobiotic restaurant, which sounded as fun as a trip to the dentist. So I waited. Then a Los Angeles journalist wrote that the M Cafe de Chaya on Melrose was filled with so many blindingly beautiful people, that it hurt your eyes. So,  naturally I never had the right outfit, had bad hair - you get the idea.

Finally I bit the bullet. I just went and ordered some takeout. The only meat they had was fish but I am a fan of salmon. The food was fresh and the baked cookies were buttery and better than homemade. Since I was at an M Cafe, I could experience the trendy wonder of Chaya without breaking the bank. And the people there? Some were cute, and ok maybe I was the only one who wasn't anorexic, but there was no blinding gorgeousness that made me feel like Shrek in skinny jeans.

But the point I'm trying to get at, is that Gwenyth knows what's up.


Ugly Persian Houses

I didn't start Ugly Persian Houses, but I feel them.

My mom has always had a thing for beige McMansions. You know the type; built but two feet from the McMansion next door. The tasteless drywall and wall-to-wall carpeting and structure that starts crumbling within 6 years?

In the suburbs of Washington D.C., the McMansions stick to a conservative theme; either colonial or Cape Cod. Here in Los Angeles, we have Mediterranean McMansions. Only, there is a subset of these monstrosities that prove even scarier. They have unnecessary columns that aren't needed to hold the  structure, gaudy gold and black wrought iron, oval windows, oversized marble lions on the porches, etc. 

There wasn't a name for it until I discovered the genius who started Ugly Persian Houses. As could be expected, the not-so-smart reactionaries call the guy who started the website a racist. But of course race has nothing to do with it - it's about architecture. He is simply expressing a disdain for a certain culture's taste in architecture.

But if we were to delve into race, we might want to touch upon the Persian issue. My hairstylist is Iranian and always says,"Iranians call themselves Persian because they're trying to sound cute. Persia is an ancient civilization and has been dead for a long time. Its time they called themselves what they really are; Iranians!"

And who am I to argue? She's holding the scissors.