1.01.2010

Happy New Year Lost Angeles!



Welcome to 2010, Los Angeles. Let's make some resolutions that will truly make Los Angeles a place where only 50% of the world make fun of us, as opposed to 80%.

Great 2010 Resolutions

#1) Let us stop trying to go back to the dark ages when it comes to "going green." Please. It's 2010. Man can reign over nature while still respecting it. If it weren't for irrigation, this place would look like Death Valley, for God's sake. Let's build a desalinization plant and bring fresh water inland. No need to ration and install AstroTurf; 2/3 of this planet is water.

#2) Please boycott pseudo-celebrities and fame leeches like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. I realize that even mentioning them gives them added publicity, but they are tools.

#3) Please work it out with public transportation. No, not the buses that chug along to make a 2 mile route last 40 minutes. I'm talking the fast kind - the underground subway. You made them durable, sleek and able to withhold an earthquake that would hit 12 on the Richter scale. But then you only built, like, 5 stations. More, please!

#4) Stop creating editorial that denounces Uggs as "out." For the love of all things comfortable, they are one of the only forms of footwear that won't force us to require the services of a podiatrist later in life. It's like walking on a cloud. And I happen to think they're sexy, like a cozy snow bunny tramp on the slopes of Aspen, waiting for you by the fire with hot cocoa spiked with creme de cacao & Spanish fly.

5) Kill the entry fees to your bars and clubs. Seriously. The outdoor lines promise grandeur, but it's exposed as a markeing technique once we go inside and find it boring. People need something beyond a celebrity sighting and the drinks cost enough as it is.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

1 comment:

Tammy said...

Make it happen Fayeruz, run for office!