One will steal all your mineral makeup. One can build you a patio.
I still shudder when driving past lines outside of clubs. Packed with shivering women in various states of undress pressed against one another for warmth, they pay way too much for valet parking and argue over who can fit what into their tiny, tiny purses.
The irony is that they endure this in hopes of finding the one person who can save them from nights like this. It's not that they're looking for marriage. They're willing to settle for good sex and the ability to stay in on Friday nights. They'd trade their stilettos and cocktails for sweatpants and Blockbuster in a heartbeat, and who could blame them?
But until we achieve these comfort zones, we're hit left and right with all sorts of zingers. Guys with better-manicured hands than us, guys that listen to Tom Leykis, guys that ask for less rice in their sushi rolls because they're watching their carbs, guys with porn addictions, Jewish guys with abusive attachments to their mothers, actors (ugh), band guys (double ugh), rappers (infinity ugh).
No wonder some women are turning to Hot Prison Pals. Sure, they're convicts but at least you know where they are at night. And one can only hope they're using that precious time pumping iron and brushing up on the classics, like To Kill a Mockingbird. Here are a few fun examples on what you can find on Hot Prison Pals...
"I speak with a rumble and it has a way with hearts. I write a lot of poetry. I enjoy rubbing oil into may mate's skin, as I enjoy having it rubbed into my own."
- Chas Boone
"As you can see I'm presently incarcerated and charged with four things. Murder, aggravated robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary of habitation, and an aggravated kidnapping of an adult person between the ages of 27-30. I try to explain as much as possible so that no one judges a book only by it's cover."
- Corey Locke