Caroline on Crack

Update: Caroline has informed me she does not wish for me to publish her list in its entirety. Legally, I can expert but not publish the whole list.

So I will only provide excepts.

Thanks Caroline.

Fellow Los Angeles blogger Caroline on Crack wrote a popular post titled 100 things to try in L.A. before you die. I won't lie, I was quite pleased with myself to discover just how many things on that list I have already experienced.

Then again, maybe it's not because we're in the know so much as we are avid followers of Thrillist and L.A. Weekly's Annual "Best of" issue, where a huge percentage of these random and obscure references obviously come from.

In the end, it doesn't matter whether or not these are the true gems of Los Angeles. What matters is that we had the chutzpah to go out and try them. So if anyone out there has a suggestion of a must-do in Los Angeles, I'm ready for it.

Caroline on Crack's 100 things to try in L.A. before you die - notches on my belt are highlighted in purple!

1) Number one has been removed


2) Number two, gone

3) Rattlesnake and rabbit with jalapeno at Wurstkuche

4) Korean short ribs taco from Kogi BBQ taco truck

5-7 have been removed

8) Red velvet cupcake from Sprinkles

9) Singing Elvis at Palms Thai

10) Something from Disneyland but I can't say

11) Junk food dessert platter at Simon LA

12-17 have been removed

18) Mulholland Drive from 405 to 101

19) Medicina Latina at Malo

20) Father’s Office burger

21) Maple bacon doughnut at Nickel Diner


22) Mashti Malone’s lavender ice cream

23) Red Line Metro barhop

24) Live music at Spaceland

25-31 have been removed

32) High Tea at Royal/T


33-35 - See ya

36) Ride the mechanical bull at Saddle Ranch and have a premium SR AMF

 37-42 - gone.

43) Bartender’s Choice at Comme Ca

44-48 have been removed

49) Blood & Sand cocktail at Tiki Ti

50) Tea and a stroll through Huntington Gardens


51) Drive Sunset Boulevard from Echo Park to PCH in a convertible

52) Double chocolate croissant pudding with Jack Daniels sauce at Milk

53) Hike from Fern Dell Drive to Mt. Hollywood, stopping at Griffith Observatory

54-62 gone

63) LA Phil concert at Walt Disney Concert Hall

64) Pool party at Standard Rooftop Bar
65) Quarter chicken with side of garlic sauce at Zankou Chicken

66-67 buh-bye

69) Los Angeles Marathon
70) Marty & Elayne at Dresden Room

71) Coleslaw and sourdough toast at Original Pantry

72-81 have been removed
82) Box seats at Hollywood Bowl summer concert

83) Dodger Dog at Dodger Stadium

84-86 - Adios!

87) Summer movie at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery

88) History Walk from Mission San Gabriel to Olvera Street

89) Taro ice cream at Fosselman’s
90) Galco’s Soda Pop Shop

91-95 have been removed

96) Karaoke at Brass Monkey

97) Yee-Mee-Lu “blue drink” at Good Luck Bar

98) Sunset dinner and horseback riding with Sunset Ranch

99-100 have been removed.

Milk Man at the Beverly Hills Shorts Festival

I won't lie - I'm a bit trepidacious about short films. Too often I've been faced with a filmmaker's innate need to feel "understood" while watching them subconsciously create a film no one can understand in order to feel superior. We've all seen those shorts; the one with the guy in the rocking chair repeating the word "rhubarb" over and over. That wasn't the case with the selection at the 2010 Beverly Hills Shorts Festival, and it certainly wasn't the case when they showcased Milk Man, by James Rumsey of Rum Jam Films.

Following the story of a neurotic voyeur, the character at first comes across as just "the creepy neighbor." Then subtleties unfold. The Milk Man doesn't point cameras out of his windows and peephole simply because he's voyeuristic, he uses cameras as a protective shield between himself and the outside world. Socially awkward, the cameras allow the man to retreat into himself and not experience life first hand. Without giving it away, I will say that director James Rumsey forces this character to confront his demons and realize his true capabilities.

After the screening, the directors held a Q & A session with the audience, and James Rumsey spoke. Humble, despicably good-looking and British, one would think that this man has everything, and simply based his neurotic character on some eccentric he was inspired by in film school. Not the case. He compared the main character to himself, when describing his own experience of breaking free of his safety zone to simply make films for a living. "And I didn't die," he said with a smile.

"Little Fockers" Wrap Party

Hey lady, just beacuse the next installation of the "Fockers" franchise features kids does not give you an excuse to drag your SUV-sized stroller in here, obstructing the crowded walkways and parting the sea of otherwise HAPPILY BOOZING grown-ups. News flash: No one cares about your little focker. If you can't afford a sitter, you can't afford a child.

A Mixologist You Say?

/mix-ol'-o-gist/ n. An employee who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar.

Shall I address the white elephant in the room?

/bar'-tend-er/ n. One who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar.

What's the difference between the two? According to the American Heritage dictionary, absolutely nothing. According to Erica Lancelotti, pictured above with me (she's in black) there's a huge difference. Ms. Lancelotti has been in the press a bit, mostly the subject of chiding jokes, all geared towards the rumors of her being an old "girlfriend" to Ryan Seacrest. I will not insert the obvious joke - I'm thinking what you're thinking. Aside from her alleged love affair with Seacrest, she's an entrepreneur, branching out to form the company Bar Candy. She built a roster of hotties that work as bartenders - er, mixologists for private parties.

I ran into Ms. Lancelotti at the launch party for the Carl's Jr. Kentucky Bourbon Burger, where she created the Kentucky Bourbon Twist cocktail to accompany the burger. "So what's the difference between a mixolologist and a bartender?" I asked her. She went on to tell me how mixologists specialize in flavors and how they compliment one another, plus mixologists are driven by a passion for creating innovative cocktails. "Uh huh," I said, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Just because she "dated" Ryan Seacrest doesn't make her a compulsive liar.

She then went on to describe how she loves Miami and was influenced by the flavors there. She described a mango cocktail with chili and lime (chile y limon), and it intrigued me. Then I tasted the Kentucky Bourbon Twist and was convinced. But since she's allowed to be called a mixologist, I would like to allow these new job titles as well:

Plumber: Fecalogist

Hooker: Screwologist

Pool Boy: Backyard Aqualogist

Factory Worker: Laverne and Shirologist

Seriously?

Alhambra, CA

As if dealing with existing Asian stereotypes wasn't debilitating enough, now they are encouraging teen girls to suck off baby bottles to get their caffeine fix. This tea/boba shop will soon be a target for pedophiles who can at least PRETEND the nipple-sucking mini-skirted 14 year-olds are still in elementary school.

PS) NOTE TO TEA STOP: NO ONE HAS BABY MEMORIES - EVER! AND WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BRING THEM BACK, NO MATTER HOW MANY RUBBER NIPPLES YOU TELL US TO SUCK ON!!

Oscar Night Hierarchy

If you really want to gage your status in Los Angeles, Oscar night is the perfect way to do it. To celebrate the Academy Awards this month, I have provided a handy list to let you know exactly where you stand in this town, based on where you are when you watch the Oscars.

#7 Watching it alone with a pint of Haagen Dazs

#6 Watching with friends or family.

#5 Watching at an Oscar party run by straight people

#4 Watching from an elaborate Oscar party, hosted by gay dudes

#3 Watching from a star-studded party, filled with drunk and angry B-listers

#2 Watching from wherever, and scoring an invite to the Vanity Fair post-show party

#1 You're at the Academy Awards


I started as a #7, but have social climbed to #4...and counting.