8.28.2010

To Pee or Not to Pee


Note to people who think they can text and drive: YOU CANNOT. And most likely, you'll end up like this. Los Angeles traffic is miserable enough, but our obligations are of no matter compared to their All Important Text. They're bottlenecking canyons with slow reaction times, leaving giant gaps in the thoroughfare, missing lights and driving well below the speed limit. These days, if you feel a bad driver just might make you cry, you can almost guarantee seeing their face lit by the familiar electronic blue glow.

That glow. It's everywhere. That little bluish square glowing a few yards away from you on the sidewalk as the neighbor walks their dogs. Surrounded by night blooming jasmine and birds of paradise, they choose not to enjoy nature or quality time with man's best friend, but stare into the blue ether with thumbs twitching at the speed of light.

Shopping malls, offices, even in the elevator you see no faces; just bowed heads and busy thumbs. People bump into walls, each other and eye contact be damned. My friend Dawn gets so irate if she sees a hovering blue square lit up in a movie theatre, she'll comment aloud on how hideous they are. It used to bother me too, but then I found out about Run Pee. This site gives recommendations as to when the best time to run to the bathroom would be during the movie, and even fills you in on what you've missed. Now I'm more forgiving when my eyeline is interrupted by a hovering blue light. I take a deep breath and fix my eyes on the screen. Maybe they're checking out Run Pee, 'cause when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Too bad Run Pee isn't partial with their movie listings. I Can Do Bad All By Myself was once on there. If the makers of Run Pee had any heart, they wouldn't tell us when to run and pee. They would just tell us to run.

Los Angeles is a town that takes film seriously, so it's a cute idea, if not a bit gimmicky. Be careful before illuminating the darkness with your electric blue square, though. Dawn might be in the theatre.

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