5.15.2009

What Happens When You Drop Out



High school and college dropouts in the United States usually make ends meet by working one or two customer service or labor jobs they can't stand. But the options in Los Angeles are more glamorous. If you want to make more than self-righteous shop girls at Robertson boutiques no one can afford, and possess their good looks, the options are endless.

Waitressing is profitable, but in this town, you can't get in without an extensive resume and headshot. You heard me, headshot. You could be a high-profile escort for the Charlie Sheens of Hollywood. If you can't get into Playboy, you can pose for Penthouse. If you can't get into Penthouse, there's Hustler. If you can't make it into Hustler, hello Internet! If pornography in general makes you uncomfortable, you could always be a spokesmodel. Sort of like the girls on stage in the above video. They arrive in skimpy outfits at red carpet events (albeit the sleazier ones) and plop down in the Reserved section. It's usually roped off with a sign that reads Playboy or MTV and people gawk at them, trying to place a face with a name. There usually isn't a name to go with the face, it's just a stunt. But if the Average Joe gawks and walks away wondering and intrigued, the job is done.

I went to a pre-party for the American Music Awards, and it seems that these girls were hired to look interested on stage as a PR stunt for Marco Banderas. Marco who? Exactly. In short, he's an Ecuadorian porn star who is turning to Latino music. These Penthouse "spokesmodels" climbed onto the stage and flopped around, trying to look as sultry and horny as possible through their fake smiles. Was the crowd convinced that Marco Banderas was the next best thing?

The only thing we were convinced of, was that there was no reason to roll out a red carpet at this event. No gift bags, no open bar and no one's talent to admire. Oh well, at least we got a good red carpet shot.

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