Attn: Abusive Yelpers - Watching The Food Network does not make you a pro!

I toast to Umami Burger!
I am lucky to have one of the best jobs in the world - a food critic. I'm no Jonathan Gold, but I'll take what I can get. When I started reviewing restaurants, it was difficult not to give myself away. I'd have to take notes and steal a few photos without the waitstaff catching on.
sweet date soda with pine nuts
But these days with Yelp, anyone who can afford a meal feels entitled to write about food. Now when the waitstaff sees me scribbling notes or taking photos of my meal, they just roll their eyes and assume I'm a Yelper. And they have every right to roll their eyes. In this age of cyber-bullying, these anonymous diners pull no punches, critiquing the meal as if their exposure to The Food Network entitles them to rip a restaurant to shreds. Even world-reknown food critics have respect for these establishments.

That's why we have F YOU YELPER, just a little thing to help lash back at the cyber bullies, who consider themselves pros because they just found out that truffles aren't just chocolates. Always with the truffles.

Except, there is one place where ALL the bad reviews are deserved. Listen to these Yelpers when they warn you about Oasis Thai Spa. They have every right to believe it was built over the portal to hell.


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