Found in trash: The Team Todd Black Book

Now that everyone has succumbed to green marketing, I won't look like a dirtbag when admitting to rummaging through people's discarded house wares. On this occasion it was a a Studio City tudor if that makes it classier.

In the trash I found the weirdest slice of L.A. life; the Team Todd Black Book. Never heard of it? Of course you haven't. It's a homemade spiral notebook created by "Team Todd" (?) for their friends and family. In it contains Best Of lists from around the world. With overpriced and obscure listings, it was a show-offy, annoying homemade gift that ended up in someone's trash bin.

But it was hilarious. Here are some of my favorites:

1) Best Swans
Noted requirement: Must have an inland pond of adequate size and surrounded by abundant vegetation
What they're really saying: I have an inland pond of adequate size surrounded by abundant vegetation!!!!!!

2) Best Potpurri in Florence
(Santa Maria Novella - Probably the only potpurri they bought in Florence, so they listed it)
What they're really saying: I went to Florence!!!!!!
My issue: Who still buys potpurri?

3) Best Rhinestone Sneakers
(Tracey Ross)
What they're really saying: I have rhinestone sneakers!!!
My issue: They cannot be the best rhinestone sneakers available simply because they're the only rhinestone sneakers available.

4) Best Magic Store in Barcelona
(El Rey de la Magia -Probably the only magic store they went to in Barcelona so they listed it)
What they're really saying: I went to Barcelona!!!

5) Best Doggie Perfume
(Oh my Dog!)
What they're really saying: Oh I'm sorry. Did your dog not have a signature scent???
What I'm really saying: You're an a-hole.

People? If you can afford rhinestone sneakers, then why act like the smelly kid in class who stuck you with homemade macaroni necklaces during Secret Santa? Everyone hates the homemade gifts. A candle or a bottle of wine would have sufficed, because nobody cares that you've studied yoga in India or bought a $400 swaddle blanket.

Now, while their friends and family may have chosen to toss it out, I keep the Team Todd Black Book in our livingroom as a converstaion piece. I've doggy-eared the most ridiculous pages, like the swan one, or where they are tacky enough to list the actual price they've paid for renting private islands. It's a true anthropological study on the desperation to be envied, and people really get a kick out of it.

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